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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've been pretty okay on my side. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow. Nothing in particular happening, but I'm looking forward to starting a new week. @NightFury

I plan on making some sticky notes tomorrow. I have about 3 to make, so I'll start chipping away at those.

Are you going to work tomorrow? Or do you have to organise things?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I know that making sticky notes helps your brain to feel more organised and on top of things so, well done on feeling motivated to get them done tomorrow.

I'm going to work tomorrow. I'll work Monday, Tuesday, then finish early on Wednesday and I'm taking Thursday and Friday off.

After work I have a GP appointment to get the results of my blood tests and heart rate monitor tests.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

What are you doing to look after yourself annd give yourself that EXTRA TLC at this time? @NightFury

I know taking Thurs and Fri off is a start. Anything else?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know if I have been living myself some extra TLC @tyme I'm not sure how...

It's been very much about going through the motions....work, daily stuff, sticking to routine.

I've been sleeping a lot. Using sleep when things feel really heavy...not sure if that counts?

And I had my first proper, healthy meal tonight since last Tuesday night. I needed some veggies. So maybe that counts too?

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury oh that brain fog is soooo real hey. I remember an old friend of mine (not anymore tho) once told me she reckoned I had no 'common sense'. Cos I'd do silly stuff like that, usually as a result of not being particularly aware of my surroundings. It was pretty rough, as a statement, made me feel really dumb. However, I've since realised that it's not a lack of common sense, it's dissociation. It doesn't make it easier to function, just way less hard on myself about it these days. 'Thanks for tryna protect me brain, but I do need to be able to comprehend signage and not walk into glass doors/into puddles/into the wrong store quite as much... thanks' 😅

Re: your meds - wanna talk a little about what's happening, like is it that you've forgotten or you're trying to test something or is it potentially a self-sabotage type thing? No judgement, I've been there. Just curious 💜

Yesssss got the job!! Now to make a flag... hmmmmm... 😝

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Your fireplace always does sound so calming @NightFury.

ooh, that is really interesting! I read somewhere recently that your prana 'life-force' energy can feel tingly like that - and that's often a sign that you're connected to your 'self' energy. Accessing this space is tricky for most of us, so it's normal for it be hard to sit in that sensation comfortably. My mind is usually like, "Um, excuse me, you have worries to focus on, missy." 💅

It can be really wonderful to explore what that part of you has to say though. Maybe sometime in the future you can sit with it (if it feels okay to).

What do you think has made it hard to take your meds? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It didn't occur to me that it might be dissociation @Jynx now it makes sense. I've kind of had that "disconnected from my body" feeling, which was a first for me. So, it lines up.

Hmmm meds...for some reason it's difficult to talk about. I kind of feel guilty/ashamed. It could be a self sabotage thing @AuntGlow @Jynx. I don't know how to explain it...

Maybe my anxiety has convinced me that my meds disconnect me from my emotions. I was talking to my psychologist last Wednesday about it and she kind of hit on a point...I'm scared and I feel like I'm losing myself in that disconnection from myself, from my emotions. And after my Grandfather passed, it became about needing to grieve, needing to feel my emotions so that I could grieve. I don't think it makes much logical sense, now that I'm trying to talk about why.

I feel like...something inside of me isn't working properly...I went to see my Grandad in the hospital when he passed. I walked in and everyone in the room was or had been crying and I couldn't access my tears. I have cried on and off for short periods of time, since...but I'm aware of the difference and how heartless it makes me look and feel.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury honestly that makes plenty of sense. Dissociation is a normal function of our brains that protects us from feeling too much and being paralysed/overwhelmed by those feelings. When we have complex trauma as well, the dissociative parts can become overactive/over-sensitised and begin to interfere with our ability to access emotions, even when we want to feel them. Add in potential medication side effects and it's no wonder you're feeling a bit lost!

I imagine it feels awful to 'appear heartless' - but perhaps others may just assume you are grieving in your own way, in private. Which is true, and honestly no one else gets to decide the 'right way' to grieve.

I also notice that it takes longer for me to process emotions if I am mentally very busy - just thinking with this stuff with your meds, uni pressures, and general life admin, it would make sense that your brain is trying to keep you functional. But I promise there's nothing 'wrong' with you. And those who know you, know that you are not heartless.

I will send biiiig hugs, and see ya next week for my motivational speech (no promises of anything even remotely resembling a 'speech' tho lol) 😝

⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Definitely @NightFury. It can feel so uncomfortable when we are used to feeling it all... it's almost like being in your body can be so much that the mind creates a disconnect, so you can feel safer. I wonder if this could be a factor?

When you paint it out like this, your decision to reduce your medication makes so much sense. Of course you want to grieve and express how you're feeling fully, and it must feel really overwhelming to not have that connection like you usually do.

I am glad to know you have your new psychologist to talk with about all of this. What other reflections or advice did she provide?

I'm just thinking, maybe you could talk with her about ways to reconnect with yourself, even whilst on medication? Is this something you'd be comfortable with?

Also, you're not heartless at all, it's so evident how much you care and how deeply you feel. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good night @Jynx see you next week.

I will revisit the last two replies in the morning @AuntGlow and reply properly then. Good night to you as well.

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