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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @tyme

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes I understand @NightFury it's only a year since my Dad passed away in front of me. Everyone has their own journey, so just take it easy.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury,

How are you feeling today?

Thank you so much for your vulnerable share on Thursday, I am so sorry I couldn't reply then.

I can see that there is a lot that has come up for you across the past few days and I want you to know that allowing yourself to feel it all fully is not only helpful for your inner processing, but also incredibly brave.

My heart is very much with you right now. There is no easy way to process grief and it makes sense that you would be feeling confused or disconnected from yourself - it's heavy to hold...

Would you feel comfortable sharing a message that stuck with you from the letters? I'd love to hear. 🥰

Sometimes going to work and keeping in our routine can help to create a sense of familiarity and stability, which is important when we are experiencing loss and change.

How are you caring for yourself today? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's good to hear from you @AuntGlow I've missed chatting with you over the last few days, but also, I haven't had a lot of words.

I've been allowing myself to feel to a certain extent. But also, not...things are heavy and hard and when the tears come they come with such a weight and such a feeling of...heart break that I have only been able to feel for short periods of time. I've been using sleep a lot to escape those moments.

Grandad wrote to us about his life. He explained why he remarried after my Nan passed away, and what his relationship to his new wife was like and how it was different from his relationship with my Nan. He wrote about how he'd lived a good life, and how he was proud of his family. He wrote about how he didn't want this to be a sad occasion, because he had lived such a good life and was grateful for it.

I haven't been caring for myself very well AuntGlow. I went shopping today for an outfit to wear for his funeral on Thursday and spent some time at the lawn bowls club.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I know that feeling... @NightFury

It's really positive that you are listening to your body's signs that feeling might be too much. Honestly, sleep really helps. I am glad you've been able to sleep more again as of late.

I actually really struggled to sleep last night (I was getting those muscle spasms as you fall asleep for aaages) and I thought of you, and how scary it must have felt for you to not get proper rest.

That's so beautiful. How did it make you feel to hear those words?

Showing up to lawn bowls is a lovely act of self-care. Is he the person who holds the legacy in your family?? I can't recall, so please remind me! 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow he was the one who taught us all to play lawn bowls. He was the president of a club here, so I grew up with them around the bowls clubs.

I was concerned about the sleep thing. The fact that I'm using sleep to effectively not deal with the heaviness of my emotions. Maybe though, it's okay for now?

I'm sorry to hear you couldn't sleep last night. I hope you can find some rest tonight. I was terrified. I could feel the impact it was having on my mental health and everything was slipping and I couldn't do anything about it. I just needed someone to help me.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury my thoughts and prayers are with you. We're here for you if you need us.

Take all the time you need to do what you need to xo

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh it was him! 🥺 @NightFury

Wow, what an incredible man. I really hope that lawn bowls helps you to connect with his spirit and the people who cherished his presence in the game. 🥰 I know being there may feel vulnerable for a while, and that's okay too.

Yes, absolutely! We need things to cope with big emotions when life is hard. Sometimes it doesn't look like a perfect 8 hours, sunlight, exercise, nutrition, etc. Sometimes it looks like sleeping, snacking, watching movies, crying. I have done this heaps to manage my bigger feelings, and it's perfectly okay.

We will just do a little check-in if you feel it's becoming too hard to manage other things over time.

Absolutely. And you were so brave during that time as well. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It was hard to be at the bowls club today @AuntGlow because people kept wanting to give me their condolences, and because of the connection I have with him and the game. But, I when my Nan died, I gave up playing bowls. I couldn't even walk into a bowls club, but I think it's important for me to keep trying and hold on to that connection.

A quick check in if that happens would be appreciated. I don't have anyone to do that for me.

I have to decide what to do next week about my studies. It's week one of my last unit and we have an assignment due. I don't know whether I can push myself to do it. Next week is a big week - I get my test results on Monday from my GP, on Wednesday I have a job interview, on Thursday is the funeral. I'm taking Thursday and Friday off work and I have my first assignment due on Sunday. And the real estate want to bring someone through to look at the house - I don't know what day yet.

I'm just trying to take it a day at a time, but it's a lot. Life goes on and I'm expected to keep up with it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It makes sense for this space to feel bittersweet for you... I completely get this feeling. @NightFury

Yes, I am always happy to be there for you.

You know what, if you need time or an extension, you're entitled to request it - especially right now.

That is a really big week - how are you feeling about your job interview? 🤩

Life definitely goes on, but I think optimising this week to best meet you where you're at will be a wonderful way to care for little Missintooth.

I will be back to chat more tomorrow, sleep well. 💛

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