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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've basically tried not to think about it @tyme...until now.

Initially this morning, my brain kind of went off on a whole..."you shouldn't have left when he told you to. You left because you couldn't deal, and then he was left on his own..."

So, I shut it off...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

I hear your thoughts and concerns. Yet what you shared is a perfect example of a thought that can do with some reframing.

Just say, you didn't leave, could you have stopped the episode? Rather, you'd probably be watching him sleep and perhaps not even realised? What do you think?

Sometimes, we want to change the past, but in reality, we can't.

Please go gentle on yourself.

Here for you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

No, I was powerless, I couldn't have stopped it and I couldn't help him @tyme and technically, I didn't leave him alone...he's in a nursing home, he had the staff and the nurses and I did ring Dad and tell him to go and sit with Grandad. I did what I thought I could do.

They're talking what they can do for him re critical care now. And his brother took him to church today, because Grandad wanted/needed to go no matter how he felt or how sick he was.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes @NightFury . That's exactly it. As hard as the situation is, it's real. We are sitting with you. Please let us know if there's anything about your grandad you want to celebrate or talk about.

We have this space for you @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @tyme I appreciate it.

My family have been fighting amongst each other today. My Mum doesn't have a filter and told my brother that his wife is lazy and taking advantage of everyone else in the family, regarding looking after my niece. My brother's wife unfriended us all on socials and my Mum rang me venting.

And my Nan, she passed on the 3rd of September, 11 years ago, and when she passed, I didn't cope. She was my best friend and my safe person...

So...on top of what's going on with me...everything is just a lot. I'm doing my best though.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh, and how was your Bro's move yesterday when you helped them @NightFury ?

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Absolutely. What are your thoughts on the intention of exploring glimmers? I hope you are able to share some soon. 🤩 @NightFury

haha sooo true. I really want to buy pretty things for my place, but I also need to save. Will take any decor recommendations you might have though. 🙊

Oh goodness... how are you feeling? I am sure this was so scary to hear. 😔

That's okay, you don't need to share more than what is comfortable.

I find my anxiety-brain and intrusive thoughts/rumination cycles are more prominent when I stop too...

have you thought more about journaling at all?

Awww, Luna! So cute. What else could you do for yourself tonight?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It went okay @tyme

We got most of it done yesterday, he had to finish it off today. My brother's best friend helped as well. He's awesome to hang around with. He and my bro have been friends since they were kids, and now they have kids who hang out and play together. He's like a brother from another mother.

I just...I feel for my bro and his wife. They're a struggling family with three young kids - the twins (aren't my brother's, but he raises them like he's their Dad) are six, the boy has epilepsy and ADHD, the girl is seeing a psychologist for anxiety. And my niece who's two. So, I spent a lot of my time yesterday cleaning their bathroom...I don't know why, it just felt like I was helping.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I was listening to a child psychologist the other day, and supposedly in vic, they are wanting to roll out a program for kids to identify anxiety etc. She spoke against this and shared that it takes away the idea that feeling anxious about something is totally normal and we shouldnt' be telling kids that they have an anxiety probably. She shared that if anything, if the kids are young, it's about supporting parents to know how to respond to their child's anxiety, because it is not about removing what is making them anxious, but helping them move towards it.

I'll see if I can find the recording and I can send it. But I can't even remember the date I heard it @NightFury

It's an interesting concept though. But yeah, it sounds hectic for them.

Do you ever look after the twins?

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