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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

How'd you go this week @NightFury ? Did you end up going back to work?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme

I only had Wednesday off, so went back on Thursday.

Thursday after work, I had the heart rate monitor fitted and wore it for 24 hours. I went back this afternoon and the nurse took it off.

Tonight things are feeling a bit rocky. I've had tears and anxiety. I now have a headache.

How are you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sorry to hear things are hard again tonight @NightFury

Whilst I have to hop off, I'll be thinking of you and I may pop in to see how you are tomorrow at some point.

At least you can wash your clothes at home tomorrow?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sorry @tyme I took my meds and had an early night.

It's lovely to be able to pop a load of washing on and have it going in the background!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury

Thank you for sharing so openly, I can really hear the weight of the pressure you're carrying, both with study and in other areas of life. It makes sense that you'd be hard on yourself when you care so deeply about doing well, but it's also a lot to hold, especially while navigating new medication and starting work with a psych. That's already a huge step forward in looking after yourself. I have to say, your commitment and passion inspires me, so thank you.

It's frustrating that uni can only offer adjustments after recieving confirmed diagnosis, and the process may take longer than you will be enrolled, but hopefully a letter from your psych will push this process along for you. You've made it all the way to your final unit, that's such a big achievement, well done.

Whether you decide to contiue into a Masters or not, you've already shown so much dedication and resilience. Be gentle with yourself as you find your way forward.

Kindly Alisse

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury,

How are you? 💕

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi, @AuntGlow

I've been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster over the last couple of days. I had heart rate monitor installed, and wore it for 24 hours. It wasn't a great experience for me. I went back to the nurse to get it taken off yesterday afternoon. She said it would take about 3 working days for the results to find their way back to my GP. So, now playing the waiting game.

It was nice to come home after that appointment to have a shower. I was supposed to do some study towards my assignment, but I decided that I was too just...drained. I had a lot of anxiety last night, and some tears and I'm not sure why or what triggered it, so I took my meds early and went to bed.

I woke up with a headache, that I've kept on top of with pain meds and lots of hydration today. I've had a busy day so far, I've cleaned my bathroom, did a load of washing, hung it out, vacuumed the floors, lit the fire and have been working on my assignment that's due tomorrow since about 10 am.

I've finished the script, and have just gotten my other laptop out to work on the Powerpoint presentation. So, I have to do the Powerpoint and video myself presenting it. I'm kind of keen to push myself and get it done and submitted today, so that I can have a day tomorrow for myself and for the rest of the household jobs.

The realestate are coming on Tuesday after work, with their photographer, so they can take some photos for advertising the property for sale. So, I would like to have the cleaning jobs done, and the lawns mowed by the end of this weekend, just because there isn't opportunity to do it over the working week.

Not sure if you can tell...but I have that real hyperfocus, let's get stuff done mode happening today, fuelled by coffee, an energy drink, anxiety and a need to pull my shit together and not wallow in just how hard things have been and are right now. I know that when the energetic crash happens, it'll happen big time, but hopefully it'll happen when everything is done!

How are you? I think I saw somewhere that you were moving? How did that go?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I understand how overwhelming the waiting game can feel... I think you are doing so well to manage it all - health stuff is a lot. @NightFury

Honestly, I can imagine that the combination of all of these things has been rather uncomfortable for you. And sometimes we simply cry because we are experiencing tension, pain, fear, and the body is needing a release. And you're allowed to honour what you are needing, so good on you for resting. 💕

Wow, that's a very productive day! Look at you go. I always feel really good after a day like that; it's like my brain remembers how capable I am.

ooh, a video of yourself?! How fun! I am sure you are a natural given how often you're in front of a room and holding space for others. How is it going?

And how is the house being sold sitting with you at the moment?

I completely understand this. I couldn't tell, but I am glad I know so that I can encourage you to listen to your body and when you need breaks (so we can reduce the intensity of your crashes!).

I am doing okay today. Yes, I did move!! It's a really lovely space, I have already been singing and dancing - hoping to feel more like myself here. Your environment really does impact your emotional and mental state, which is why I am actually hopeful your move will be really empowering for you too.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It sounds like the move has gone well for you. I'm happy for you @AuntGlow.

My assignment is done! It is not perfect. It's probably won't earn me a high mark. I did submit it, but it's three minutes longer than it should be, which I will have marks deducted for and I didn't use as many references as I needed to get a higher mark.

I just have to concede that this assignment had to be what it needed to be. I had so much trouble in the last few weeks to a month, find motivation to engage in this unit. I didn't want to do it. And I was so hard on myself for that lack of motivation and engagement. My last two assignments earned me a distinction for both, so hopefully my marks will be enough to carry me through to a pass for the unit.

Videos of myself...I'm terrible at them. I am so judgey on the way that I look, the way that I sound. And I refuse to watch them back because it's just cringe! I stumbled over my words and have a hard time with it in general.

The house being sold is sitting okay now. I've moved a lot, so I should be used to it. The problem of me wanting/needing stability and safety isn't sitting okay with me. The worst case scenario isn't sitting well with me either. The fear and uncertainty in my future is a real, present and heavy thing. I don't know if I'll have a job, and I don't know of I'll have a house to live in past December now. And time is flying. It'll be here before I know it.

I've seen an old pattern returning this week and it's one I haven't had in a while. I left home on Friday heading to work with the heart rate monitor attached, got five minutes down the road and my brain went..."did I turn off the fry pan?" I used it to make a toasted sandwiches for breakfast. I knew that I'd washed the fry pan up, but couldn't remember if I'd turned off the bit that plugs into the fry pan and the power to make it go. And I imagined it heating up the bench top, starting a fire and my dog was inside and wouldn't be able to escape...so, I turned around, drove back home and checked the fry pan was turned off through the kitchen window. Then I was okay to go to work. I felt like such a fool. I used to do things like that all of the time.

I think it's related to my sense of safety and security. My dog has become the only thing that feels certain and secure, everything else is changeable.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you, I still have lots to do, but getting there. @NightFury

You know what? I think it's fab you got it in. We are going to celebrate getting the thing done, because when you're going through big feelings and challenges, showing up is enough. I like that you mentioned this already too. 🥰

haha I sooo get that! As someone who has done lots of acting and self-tapes, I can relate. But it's a brave thing to do and practice.

You are allowed to feel all of this, having to move house can be very dysregulating. I think it's positive to know that you have time? I believe you can do this by December.

Aw, it's okay!! I think the more uncertain and unsafe we feel, the more our mind can veer into 'checking' or ruminating.

You are so self-aware and you can absolutely work through this.

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