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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I don't really know where the sense of pressure comes from. I get off the calls and my attitude is terrible, I literally think, "I just want them to leave me alone." I know they have a job to do and those thoughts aren't particularly kind.

Email would work better for me than having a conversation like that over the phone. So, that's a good option.

Dinner was yummy. I was starving and had two bowls!

@AuntGlow If you'd like to share, I'm keen to hear about your day?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm wondering if the pressure is coming from inside you @NightFury

I think you might be a bit similar to me, the way you are working and studying and starting counselling and considering careers. This is the sort of thing I did.

Do you think you set high standards for yourself, and are self reliant, so it's confronting when other people ask if you are OK, because you think you should be ok?

I'm glad you are keeping your nutrition up.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 I set impossible standards for myself, I always have. The assignment before last, I was so disappointed to only get a pass mark, that while working on my last assignment I was so anxious and hyper focused and in a spin that I didn't sleep for two days. I didn't move from my laptop because it needed to be better! And I couldn't fail because...it meant that I'm not good enough. It wasn't perfect when I submitted it, it was four minutes over time and I got deductions for that, but I got a distinction.

I'm self reliant. I've had to be. I'm not sure I think I should be okay though, I just don't like getting vulnerable and saying that I'm not. I will move heaven and earth to try and do everything myself and not have to ask for help, because then you have to trust.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury It could simply be the pressure to 'know' or to give energy to something you don't have the spoons for? I can think these things too when I am overstimulated.

Okay, this is a great next step then, perhaps!

haha I often have two bowls of something if it's yummy.

ooh, well... I got up early to watch the live broadcast of Eurovision (which I do every year). Then I went to pilates, came home and ate some food... and then started my shift here! 😊

What is on for the rest of your night? ✨

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes, you sound like me @NightFury hence my thread Not Good Enough

I'm glad you got a distinction, but at what cost?

I am also self-reliant and always have been, which most likely mostly due to difficulty with trusting people.

Do you think you are a perfectionist?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow sounds like a productive day. Is pilates hard? How is it similar or different to yoga?

I've done yoga once and I am so not stretchy! It was terrible.

Nothing. No plans for the rest of the night. I just need...to sit with someone tonight, so I'm hanging out here.

@Till23 we posted at the same time, so I've edited this post to reply instead of putting another up. It was really...unpleasant to be in that state, I have to admit. It sent me into a spin.

I wouldn't say I'm a perfectionist. I just...I've put a lot of my self-worth and value into being a "good" student.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It was, thank you! @NightFury It can be hard, but it depends what style you do/what level. It works to build strength mostly. Yoga does too, but it is also very varied - there are so many different styles. Meditation is yoga, for example. It can also be incredibly healing for trauma, but you just have to find the right classes for you (so you don't need to be overly stretchy!).

Well, I am here for the next 30 - so consider me sat. 😊

I wanted to add to this conversation you are having with @Till23. I don't know if you ever feel this way, but like you, I value doing a good job and can resist doing things for a while/feel exhausted at the thought of them because I know I will give it my 110%. I also know just how much energy that takes and how loud my inner critic can be... I am practicing showing up to things anyway - but it is definitely hard! What do you think it would be like to practice approaching your studies through the lens of curiosity?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlowthank you.

The bit I liked about the yoga class I tried again couple of times...we finished the class off with laying flat on our backs, and meditating for five minutes. I can't even lay flat now though. Arthritis in my back makes things hard.

As I spoke about earlier, I'm finding things that aren't...necessities really overwhelming. I don't have enough brain power to get through to the end of a work day at the moment - then add study on top of that.

I went to class tonight and just got really overwhelmed and then really anxious and started spiralling. I don't know if I have any reserves to give to it and I don't know of I can be okay with not giving it everything I've got and then some.

How would I go about doing that? Approaching them through the lens of curiosity.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I want to respond to this properly and give it all my attention, so I will do so tomorrow afternoon, if that's okay? I hope you get lots of rest tonight! 💛✨

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow have a good rest of your night.

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