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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow @Till23 I did none of those things last night - I cooked some food, and did some study to the point where I realised I wasn't taking any of it in. Just doing it out of stress and worry.

I think the content has something to do with me not wanting to do it. It's a unit on Trauma Informed Care.

I found myself in such a low mood last night. I wanted to reach out, but didn't. How do you talk about a feeling like ththatYou don't need to ansser that - it's rhetorical. I was deeply exhausted and deeply sad. And you guys were doing a fantastic job supporting others, so I toddled off to bed.

I was awake at 3.15 am, and I started a drawing for a student. He asked me to draw Thomas the Tank Engine for his little brother and I promised him a week ago that I would do it and I hate letting people down. Didn't get it finished, but it's a work in progress and was a positive way to start the day - even though it was super early.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm glad you took the time to breathe last night @NightFury sounds like you needed it.

I can certainly see how the content is challenging, especially in your current circumstances.

I am always glad to have interactions with people on forums, especially if I know they may be not brilliant. I looked out for a post from you last night actually. Again though it's up to you what you feel you can do, you've taken big steps lately.

Yes 3:15 is a little on the early side 😂, but I'm glad you started it, because that probably made you feel better and that it was a noce way to start the day.

Maybe we'll see you on the forums tonight (no pressure)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi there @Till23 how has your day been?

I don't know, something happens and I lose my words and while I want to be involved and to chat, it's like I go through stages where I just get quiet and I honestly don't know what to say. Last night was one of those nights. I sat in the social spaces and watched the posts going up and I sat hoping someone would find this thread and they didn't and I was like, "I don't know how to reach out for myself tonight." So I guess I gave up and went to bed. With that going around in my head and the that deep feeling of just being...sad and exhausted, I just didn't know what to do or how to do it for myself, or how to interact with others.

I hope that makes sense...

Starting the drawing did make me feel better. It's a small something that I can do for others and I enjoy it. I like to draw and I like to draw for the kids and it's a connection that I can make with them where I don't feel like I'm constantly growling, telling the what to do and trying to force their minds into learning.

I will be around tonight. I have study to do and an online lecture to attend, but will be here.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury That's okay, it sounds like you weren't in a place to take any more information in, and it's important to honour our needs when we feel this way.

In my experience, sometimes adjusting how I am working so that it's more comfortable or accessible can help, like changing my environment. I am also thinking - is a study companion possible? Someone you can discuss your content with, so that you're not having to do it all solo? 😊

I have actually done a little study on TIC, so let me know if you want to bounce some ideas around. I understand your resistance though... it can be a triggering subject. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if other students feel this way too, particularly those with lived experience. 💗

I appreciate you sharing this now. I think you do a wonderful job of articulating yourself whenever you share. Maybe during the times you feel uncertain about sharing with us, you could journal what is coming up for you? (Remember that your thoughts are genuinely always welcome here though.)

Awww, this is incredibly sweet. You're right, that is a positive way to start the day.

Is there anything nice you will do for yourself tonight? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I hope this doesn't sound weird, but it's good to see you tonight.

A study companion? I don't think so. I mean it could be a possibility, but I don't know anyone in the course, or anyone who's completed the course. I've not made any connections. And I struggle to communicate my needs to the course administrators when they ring and do a weekly check in. I get frustrated that they've even called to the point where I don't answer. I feel pressured by them, I feel like the calls stress me out and I don't like it. When I do answer my go to response is..."all good, everything's good. I don't need help."

Thank you for your offer to bounce some ideas around with you. I might take you up on that.

I um...talked to the counsellor on Monday about journalling. I can't journal either when things are bad. I just...shut down my capacity to communicate.

Tonight, I'm in the middle of cooking myself that Chow Mein, I didn't cook last night. Other than that...no, not really.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury

Please don't feel you need to apologise, nor do you have to explain if you don't wish to.

When I first joined the forums I just lurked, then answered some sort of general questions people had asked (I think the moderators). Then I answered some posts, then I shared some of my story on other threads, then I finally started a fairly tame thread, then I've started a couple of other threads.

Not that I'm saying you need to do this, but you can just put a tag in the box, with nothing else the person will see it and answer it and start a chat gently that way.

You certainly are trying to push through with working, studying and starting counselling it's a lot.

I hope you have a better night tonight despit studying.

I've been a bit up and down today, but feeling a bit better I think.

I will do my volunteer shift tomorrow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23it is a lot, I agree.

I'm glad you've had a better day and are feeling a little better. Up and downs are hard, and leave you feeling like you don't know what to expect and chasing your tail.

Thank you for your advice about posting on the forums and sharing what worked for you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

So @NightFury you are way ahead of me by starting your own thread!

Take it easy

I have done Trauma Informed Care learning in my profession, so happy to have you bounce some ideas around with me as well. Is this course part of a teaching qualification, or your continuing professional development?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 neither...

I am trying to figure things out regarding what I want to do with myself and my career.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Aw, it's so nice to see you too! 🥰 @NightFury

I understand, it can be overwhelming and sometimes it's just easier to say you're okay, hey? The pressure sounds very uncomfortable... what if you sent them an email? You are good at expressing your needs via message. 😊

Amazing! Just let me know.

Oh, that's so understandable. I am with you. When I feel that way, I put on music and sing/dance along, and let any sounds or words come out that naturally want to.

That sounds really yummy!! I am jealous. 🤭

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