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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynxif you don't mind, if you stumble upon this, can you check in please?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening, @NightFury - How are you feeling today? 💕

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury how was your day today?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow @Till23 My day has been unremarkable. Another day, another dollar.

I'm not okay in it though, today.

@AuntGlow can we re - visit last night? Can you help me to see what me approaching my course with curiosity could look like?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Checkin on in @NightFury 💜

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Ah yes, that isn't uncommon - it really can be hard to be in certain poses for long periods. I would suggest laying with your knees bent and your feet flat on the ground. You could also roll over to either side in the foetal position. This can feel really vulnerable at times, but also really nurturing for your inner child. But always listen to your physical and emotional body - you will know what is okay and what isn't. 😊

I understand what you mean. Maybe it's okay to simply be where you are at right now? What are your thoughts on that idea?

Hmm, good question! I think when we follow our curiosity, it can make more challenging things feel lighter and playful - it takes the pressure off having to know and ignites that sense of wonder. I also find it brings about a sense of compassion. So, if you notice that your inner critic has something to say or you are finding things overwhelming and can't focus, you could redirect to the question, 'what am I most curious about right now?'

Of course, this is just an exercise, and it's okay if it doesn't work for you! But I am ✨curious✨ to see if it does. Does that make sense at all? 🤔

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow thank you for the explanation. It's an interesting way to approach study. I've been on the verge today of emailing them to pull out of the course for now. But at the moment, I'm sitting with maybe just taking the pressure off...or trying to and like you suggested, just being where I'm at and that means only giving as much as I can and doing what I can. I don't know which option is the one I need.

@Jynxthank you. Is it okay to be totally honest about where I'm at today and what's going on for me today?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury My pleasure! And that's okay, you're allowed to take some time to think about it, approach it in different ways, leave it completely, or go all-in. I am happy to hear you have a few options to consider. 😊

Also, you're always more than welcome to share what is going on for you with us. I have no doubt that @Jynx will be waiting with open ears! 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm glad your day was OK @NightFury

You would have good experience at seeing people approach things with curiosity, because that's what children do, they don't have expectations when they learn something new. They just try it out.

Once you've got yourself into a mindset about doing well, achieving etc, it is hard to go back to that way of approaching things. However, it can be done.

I find it difficult to do and I often stray away from it, because my thinking has become ingrained. Hence the Not Good Enough Thread.

I think you can take some time to decide whether to delay your course or not, so try not to feel pressured about that.

If you'd rather I drop out of this thread, that is fine.

However, if you feel you want to say things then it's fine, it's up to you. It might help to share a little bit

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 Thank you for your advice. I just have to learn how to be happy just doing enough. Enough to get me through, enough to pass, just enough in general.

I appreciate it. I like having you here, but it's up to you. It's been an intense day and I don't want that to impact you, but that's your call to make.

@AuntGlow @Jynx I'm going to start with...I am safe. Not necessarily okay, but safe.

It kind of started last night. I had a good day yesterday, and got to spend some time building connections with the kids. I came home feeling lighter and a little more positive. My brain wasn't as foggy. I got on and did some study, got some things done around the house, cooked dinner. I say down to attend my first online ZOOM session for the course and I started to feel really overwhelmed. They were talking about the assignment due on Sunday, and how to reference, where to find sources, what kinds of sources to use. I started to do the whole..."I don't want to do this...I can't do this..." thought cycle. When the session was over, I was brain fog had set in, but with it my anxiety had ramped up.

I sat here, trying to decide whether to reach out or not because I was thinking all kinds of things like..."I can't manage anything at the moment," and "I'm failing at everything," and the good old fashioned, "I'm letting everyone down and what's the point of trying to reach for something else, a new career because I can't do it...I can't achieve it." I started to think about SI and at that point, I put up a post, then deleted it, and went through that process a few times before I decided to just go to bed.

I did not sleep well. I've not had a lot of sleep over the last couple of days.

Today I woke up and was like..."today is not going to be good," I knew with the feeling inside me that it was going to be a tough one. I even thought about having a day off work, until I started to feel guilty and I knew that work would distract me somewhat. I took the dog for a walk, and was so jumpy at every little thing. The thoughts from last night have lingered and so have the thoughts about SI. It comes up from time to time and I haven't been triggered like that in a while. Interestingly and maybe unrelated, but I have a sense that it isn't...SI became a thing for me when I was studying in Uni and was dealing with some intense grief over losing my grandparents and a lot of upheaval regarding study. I failed out of Law school, because I stopped going to class. I was struggling big time with grief and my mental health and I went to Uni so that my family believed I was still going, but couldn't make it to class.

Also today, and I'm sorry if this is random, I've noticed what I think is a new symptom of my anxiety - my tongue feels weird, kinda tingly and it's bothering me.

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