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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @NightFury 💛

I really do get this. I can genuinely see more sleep has alleviated a sense of overwhelm for you, but I know that doesn't negate your deeper feelings. And that's okay, they are allowed to be there.

You have articulated your inner experience so well here, you need to give yourself more credit!

I know this internalised belief is big and unwavering at times, so challenging it will be hard for a little while, but it's definitely not impossible. We can work on it slowly. I need to explore this more too when it comes to my relationship, for example. ☺️

I am wondering where you can ask for more help here? All of these things are a LOT at once. So you're definitely not failing in my eyes.

I am also curious to know what your pattern is here - what do you usually do when you feel this way and what do you often avoid doing? Perhaps we can do some slow rewiring and creating new habits? 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know @AuntGlow asking for help is hard. I guess I could make a post, asking for help and support? I could contact the real estate to see if they're able to help with the maintenance, or can link me with someone who can.

What do I normally do when I feel like this? I guess, I push and I push hard and internally, my beliefs and my thoughts and my big feelings push back. It creates conflict. Like today...I didn't want to do anything, but I did the things because if I don't nobody else will, if I don't push to do the things I need to do even when I don't want to do them...then the jobs just build up and I start to feel overwhelmed and so far behind thay I can never catch up. So...I push.

I SH and I eat a lot of junk food.

What do I avoid doing? Talking to people, being around others, sometimes I avoid slowing down or stopping, I avoid looking for possible solutions because it feel like it's all "too hard." I avoid study. I avoid writing - in my blog and in my journal. And I avoid my big emotions.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yeah, that's a great idea! Perhaps you could sit with it and let me know what you decide? @NightFury

I understand this feeling, it's exhausting. I do the same. What would it be like to soften into action? Can you imagine what that might look like?

Thank you for sharing this with me... I turn to sugar as well, or I over-sleep/doom scroll. I am thinking of some ways I can shift these patterns into more (accessible) soul-nourishing behaviours... we could brainstorm tomorrow?

*Hint* Your list at the bottom has some perfect examples.

I hope you get some rest tonight. 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

So, @AuntGlow I have sent the real estate an email re the maintenance that needs to be done here, so let's see what comes of that.

Softening into action? I'm not sure, but I can maybe guess that it would look like going slowly and more gently with myself. Maybe breaking things down into smaller bite size chunks, for example...acknowledging that I don't want to study, but I will for half an hour and see how it goes.

I have my last counselling appointment through the Guided Recovery Program after work this evening so we'll see how it goes, but I am keen to brainstorm ways of shifting these patterns. If not today, then tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Okay, wonderful. Good on you - life admin can be a task and a half! @NightFury

Yes, I love that. I need to do the same with packing. Could we both do a bit tonight and check-in with one another? 💛

Please let me know how it goes. I am sure the ending to your program feels bittersweet?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My support button's playing up again @AuntGlow damn gremlins!

I feel kind of sad that the program is ending. I have a lump in my throat. It was nice to look back over my goals and take time to acknowledge my progress and I've received such beautiful support. I've felt heard and carried and valued. It was nice to simply have someone to talk to. I worry about what happens now and where I can find that space for myself, in other forms of therapy, with other supports because I think I need it. I don't what it looks like moving forward.

I can check in with you re the packing, no problem. Do you have a certain goal or thing you want to achieve tonight packing wise?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh no! I will pass that on to @tyme, @NightFury.

Hmm, it really would be hard to sit with the program ending, knowing how supported you felt. You're allowed to grieve any sense of loss that might be coming up for you. Our supports really do become such a consistent part of our lives, don't they? I understand you're not sure what comes next, but know that we are still here. Perhaps this can be an anchor point for you? And you're still looking for a psych, so remember that the potential of finding another beautiful support is still there!

I think I need to get under my bed and sort through bags of things to get rid of. 🙈

What about you? What study would you like to get done?

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Heya @NightFury ,

How are you??? I had a BIG rest on the weekend.

I've been able to do so much more because I had a good rest.

Were you refreshed after the weekend?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I could do with an anchor point at the moment, so I like that idea. This is the first time I've had any kind of support, so it's also the first time I'm experiencing what it feels like when those supports have come to an end.

Under the bed for a sorting mission sounds like a good plan.

I need to get last week's course content and learning completed. I am a week behind, and have an assignment due on Sunday, so tonight I need to get last week's course content done, then start to work at my assignment from tomorrow onwards.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I'm a little jelly of your BIG rest. Well done you, for granting yourself that rest. It sounds like it was perfect.

I didn't get much of a rest to be honest...though I accidentally fell asleep sitting on the floor eating my lunch on Sunday...

I did manage to get quite a few jobs done though...

On Saturday, I vacuumed and washed the floors, changed the bed, played lawn bowls, did my washing at the laundry.

On Sunday I had wood delivered, stacked the wood, did the groceries, mowed the front lawn, did some study, and semi dealt with an issue with blocked drains outside.

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