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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme we have a lot of things going on for behaviour support - we have the local PCYC come in once a week, we have some kids enrolled in an equine program that hasn't started yet...

I don't know @tyme if my day off will happen at all.

I'd like to do that - to work towards accountability for tomorrow. And Luna...Luna gets pretty intense anxiety. She can even go into what I call "Wreck it Ralph" mode, she tears blinds down, chews power cords and rips things apart. She's a bit like me in that regard. Walking her of a morning helps to keep her calm during the day. It burns off some energy, keeps her dog brain happy, and is a part of her routine - generally if I can keep to her routine, she'll be settled and won't destroy anything while I'm at work.

I've um...started cooking myself dinners again..I cooked one meal last week and a meal tonight, instead of having frozen YouFoodz meals. I had spaghetti and meatballs.

Tinned spaghetti? Interesting craving. I don't eat tinned spaghetti. I'm funny with food, particularly with the texture of foods.

How did your trip to the city go the other day? Did you get snacks?

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I've had a more positive day than yesterday but really yo yoing with my regulation. I took my meds this morning, which I didn't even do yesterday, so that's something.

I don't know how to keep myself regulated at the moment. So, I'm not sure how to work towards soothing that part of me who hurts and finds it so hard to deal with the idea that people always leave. It's so raw and every time it brings tears - even now. It's something broken really deep within me.

I can't take a day off this week. We are already a teacher short in our grade 5/6 teacher team all week. As much as I am crashing, we just don't have the staff for me to be away too.

My GP appointment is at 4.30 pm tomorrow. Will you be around?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Grief and loss is a part of life. And even then, it doesn't make the sting any less.

I feel there are two ways I look at it:

1) stay away from relationships because you know loss will come (but them miss out on valuable relationships altogether)

2) embrace relationships knowing that if there is loss, then it's expected

I used to avoid relationships altogether (I'm talking about ANY relationship). In other words, I avoided people in general. They were the years I felt like I stopped living.

Hold on @NightFury . I know you can do it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am glad to hear that you took your meds today, I am sure that has helped a bit. It's okay that your regulation is yo-yoing with all that you have going on, but I get how tiring that must be... @NightFury

This really does tell me that your inner child needs sooo much love and nurturing. Remember, you're not broken, you're hurting - and you deserve to be supported.

What is one thing we could do that might help you to feel more grounded?

Honestly, if I could write you a sick note - I would!! I know you are so considerate of other people and how they might be affected, but I think your wellbeing is so important here. Could you talk with your school about where you're at and what you're needing at all?

Absolutely! I will be here. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I know. Relationships are tough for me - I don't trust easily, and I don't like to be vulnerable around others and that makes things hard. On top of...not letting people close, in case they up and leave. I've had some oretry shattering losses.

I know it's something that I need to work on, because I'm pretty much on my own and that loneliness and longing for connection sets in and complicates matters.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't even know what to call it, I am beyond tired and exhausted @AuntGlow

I've been trying to ground myself tonight. I had a hot shower when I got home, I did some diamond dot painting, and a little bit of colouring....I need to remember my breath and make a big effort with that, which will help...I hope.

I can't talk to my school - there's too much vulnerability in that, in admitting that it's a struggle at the moment. But there's also something that I need to be accountable for - the fact that I am putting others before my own needs.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

🥺❤️ @NightFury

I can see how much effort you have put into your self-care tonight. I am sending an abundance of positive, restful, and peaceful energy your way.

I really hope tonight is gentle on you. I'll be back tomorrow, so please don't hesitate to reach out when you need.

Being able to see that you are putting others before yourself shows me that you are capable of slowly shifting this pattern. As always, we will work towards incremental change. No rush. 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good night @AuntGlow @tyme thank you for being here.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow what happens if my GP can't support me today? What if I go to my appointment and she turns me away too? What if she thinks it's not an important enough issue?

What do we do then?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

We will manage it if this happens. But I do feel it's very likely your GP will be able to support you here - and I believe they will see how important this situation is, truly. I will be here, keep me updated as you go, okay? Let's navigate it moment-to-moment. @NightFury 💕

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