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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Of course, I think that you are being recovery-oriented, because you're sharing, asking for support, and looking at what you can do to care for yourself. You're allowed to have days where it's hard and you need to simply talk. @NightFury

Oh, this would have been SO tough to hear... I can imagine you would have felt really vulnerable because you can trust and confide in Jynx. With all of the grief and loss you have shared with me, and the re-triggering of those feelings this weekend, it make sense for this news to have hit you hard.

I know it can really hurt to experience a change in our support system, but know that I will still be here, as will Tyme. You are allowed to feel all that you are feeling and I am glad you told us what is going on for you.

Our feelings are complex, this isn't silly at all... if you sit with this part of you that's feeling scared/sad, what does it need most right now?

Work sounds really tiring for you, so not coping well is perfectly understandable. Did you have someone to debrief with after your shift?

I am thinking that once your sleep is under control and you're feeling more regulated, we can talk more about ways to find connection? When you are ready and in your own time. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I didn't see or feel the lead up to it @AuntGlow it just...hit and hit hard. So, it was kind of out of no where, in the sense that I wasn't expecting it. The big feelings didn't hit until Jynx said good night and broke the news last night.

It's a little embarrassing too, to have such a strong reaction to something like that. I'm sorry that it happened.

I don't know...I think I just need reassurance. I need to find a way to reassure myself that...not everyone I connect with will leave. That's what it comes down to...that's what just brought the tears back again. I don't want to be alone.

I need to take a day off work. I need a break - just a day. I just have to almost plan the right day to take off, because again...tomorrow we have staff sick. I'm pretty lucky in that I do have someone to debrief with about work and we do that pretty well.

Okay. I like the idea of waiting until my sleep is better and I am not on such a hair trigger and feeling so fragile, to start working on how to build more connection.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Awww @NightFury ,

Sorry to hear it was so hard for you last night.

We're still around.

And yes, the planned day off sounds like something you might need as a circuit breaker to stay well?

Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme thank you for thinking of me.

I'm glad, you and AuntGlow are still here.

And I agree, I just feel it within myself. I know I need a day off work.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Go slow @NightFury . When you need it, then you do.

I remember when I had shingles earlier this year. I needed a break from a few things in life. I thought I could manage it, but my body told me I couldn't. I ended up suffering with shingles for a month or so.

I hope you can have this circuit breaker before it has you!

I'm logging off now. Will see you tomrorow.

I have 6 things on my list that I have to do tomorrow. I hope you have your list too 🙂 (even if it's simply to get outta bed!)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Me too @tyme I hope that I can get a day off in before I completely crash too.

I don't really have a list for tomorrow yet. Maybe I need to just focus on doing the routine things...like taking Luna for a walk.

Good night, tyme. See you tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Heya @NightFury !

I was thinking about our convo yesterday - about taking a day off.

I was soooo tempted today when I got up, to take a day off so I could catch up with paperwork, but I ended up not taking it off.

How'd you manage today?

I got 1 sticky note completed! I have 3 more to go! It doesn't sound like much, but I feel accomplished.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme

Glad you got some jobs done!

Today was okay. The kids were much better behaved and we had four away, so it was pretty quiet.

It doesn't look like I'm going to get my day off this week. And I'm kinda teetering on the edge of feeling angry about it, but also trying not to slip into those thoughts that I don't matter.

I'm not sure I got jobs done perfectly say, but I did the normal things - walked Luna, went to work, attended staff meeting.

Tomorrow I have a few things though.

- take Luna for a walk.

- shout myself a coffee in the morning

- Work

- GP appointment

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Glad you got some reprieve at school today @NightFury ! Sounds like such a tough gig! Do you have external peopel who can come and support with behaviour etc?

Well done on making it through. Perhaps you can plan your day off for next week?

Although it doesn't sound like much, well done on doing what you needed to for today.

As for tomorrow, we can totally work towards being accountable for that. Luna sounds like the luckiest dog in the world!

I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow.

For me tomorrow, I have 2 big longs meetings, um.. then I'm not really sure! I need to think about my day tomorrow!

What'd you have for dinner tonight?

I've got a silly craving at the moment... canned spag lol...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury! I am so sorry for my delay, how are things feeling for you today? 🥰

Again, your feelings are so valid here and you have nothing to be embarassed about, I promise. If you saw some of the reactions that come out of me - oh boy, you'd definitely feel less alone!

Well, I can reassure you that Tyme and I will be here. And I have so much faith that you will build further connections over time. Nonetheless, you are allowed to feel how you are feeling, I don't want to discredit your emotions at all, because they come from such a real and understandable place. I think what matters most is how we soothe them. Does anything come to mind?

Also did you talk to your debrief person at work today? And could you take another day off this week? I really think you deserve it.

PS: What time is your GP appointment tomorrow?

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