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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Don't forget to add something to treat yourself after work tomorrow @NightFury !

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for the reminder @tyme I'll think about what I can add to treat myself.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury it's a process hey, and not a cheap one. But I found that I did exactly that when I got my ADHD diagnosis - went back and reflected on all the mean things I'd thought of myself and going 'ohhhh I wasn't weak or incapable, I was just working with whacky brain chemistry!' It has done wonders to help me work through that internalised stigma, and start judging myself by a new (and fairer) set of standards. ADHD also benefits from meds so I'd prioritise that one personally (unless you want to consider NDIS or DSP in which case ASD would probably help lots).

As for looking into 'other' diagnoses - this is generally part of the diagnostic process anyway. ASD and ADHD are considered 'developmental disorders' i.e. they begin in childhood, so usually other disorders need to be ruled out first.

Was it the best decision to make? Maybe not. Was it the best decision you could make at the time? I reckon so. Sounds like you needed to leave, and you never know - staying might have ended up being so much worse.

Aww sounds so lush!! Is the new film any good? Ach I will have to hear about it when I get back - I kinda forgot to tell everyone (cos I umm forgot and didn't realise the date) that I'm gonna be away most of August. So I will have to say nighty night, and fare thee well!! Will miss everyone so much but I will be thinking of you all 💜

Huuuugs!

(っᵔ◡ᵔ)っ

(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm going to miss you @Jynx have a good break.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello!! How are you feeling today @NightFury? 2 more nights to go! 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm not doing so well today @AuntGlow

How was your weekend?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Do you want to talk about it at all? @NightFury 🥰

My weekend was very busy! I have found an apartment to move into, (yay!). I also did my show, which was a lot of fun - but I am feeling somewhat vulnerable because I noticed many things I could have done better with more time and rehearsal. BUT, I am trying to be kind to myself, because I know I have had a lot on lately and I am just coming back to it after injury. It's hard though... I feel like you'd be good with advice around this actually.

Oh, also - are there any bits of safety planning you wanted to refine this week?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm in two minds whether I want to talk about it @AuntGlow I feel like my mindset today isn't very recovery oriented, so maybe it doesn't belong on the forums...

Did you do the best you could, with the rehearsals and the time you had? Did you enjoy yourself? I wonder if you could adopt the things you're not happy with as an opportunity to learn from them? Take just one thing and work on it for your next show?

Well done on finding a place to live, that would be a load off.

Safety planning? I don't know. It's on my file now. Jynx uploaded it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Actually, maybe this could be a good opportunity to look at that - so please feel free to share and we can have a look at what recovery might look like? @NightFury

I really like these questions! I will have a think about them now, thank you. 💛

Yes, I am very proud of myself for finding somewhere and getting the thing done!

I just had a look, it seems really fleshed out now - yay! Are you feeling comfortable with it? As in, does it feel full enough?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow okay, but can can you help me work on it please?

I had a major meltdown last night. Jynx announced that they were going on a break and wouldn't be back until September. This triggered a lot of...really big feelings that actually didn't have a lot to do with Jynx taking a break, I think.

I'd spent the day at my Grandfather's 90th birthday. At 90 years old, we're facing the reality of losing him soon. That anticipatory grief is hard. I also spent time with my great Aunt's family at Grandad's party, and we lost my aunt last year. I wasn't able to get home for the funeral. I grieved, I watched the funeral online and it was really really hard to do that alone.

Yesterday also brought up the fact that we have lost some key people in our family - my Nan and my best friend, my great aunt, my uncle. And it also brought up QLD and lots of questions about why I came home, why I left, whether I regret it, and if I enjoyed my time over there. I'd just started to build my friendship group when I left, and I lost those connections and I lost two people who I thought were my friends.

Jynx going away for so long, was just the trigger. I cried, I hyperventilated...I couldn't breathe. I curled up on the ground and tried to ride it out. I calmed my body, my breathing but cried myself to sleep. I woke not even an hour later and I was so damn down on myself for because it was silly, such a small trigger and I had a big reaction.

I didn't get a lot of sleep...story of my life at the moment, and then this morning...I decided that...that I give up and so, I didn't take my meds.

Today was a tough work day with two of our grade 5/6 team out and no time for breaks. The kids were challenging with their behaviour and were pretty horrible at times. And I didn't really cope so well with the day.

My safety plan - I think I'm happy with it. The section about people I can talk to concerns me. I don't really have any in the moment people on there, but I don't think that's an issue I can fix yet.

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