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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I get that. I honestly think the sense and fear of abandonment is one of the biggest challenges for people with childhood trauma... and to be able to really trust that they are enough, safe, and loved as they are. It's a process to work through, but it's not impossible. 🩷 @NightFury

Okay, one more week to go. I know you can do this.

I get that - I wonder where that thought process comes from?

The exhaustion really would be impacting you... we will be here to support you with this over the next week, okay? And just think - this time next week, you will be sharing all of the support you've had with me!

Also, I read about your school environment, you are an absolute angel for supporting young minds in the way you do. Ensuring they are fed and well cared for too, that's incredible. I know teaching in a school like this would not be for the faint-hearted. Actually, it's pretty baddass. 😎

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow thank you for believing in my capacity to do this. I don't quite have the same belief, but knowing that someone believes and is here to support me to do it, helps. I think I'm going to need that support

We get paid extra because it's a hard to staff school, but that's not why I do it. I always wanted to come back and teach in the community I grew up in, lived in and went to school in, and that's what I'm doing. Giving back a little.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Absolutely - I unwaveringly believe in you! @NightFury

That's so incredibly kind of you. 🥰

How are you feeling today?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

I was just thinking about tagging you in a post and asking you for some help...so great minds think a like.

I am doing much the same - not great, Honestly. Only a couple of hours sleep last night and I'm really struggling.

I was wondering if you have a bit of time and opportunity today to help me come up with a plan with what to do with my nights, and how to manage the emotions that are coming up for me while I'm trying to get some sleep? I just...I think I'd like some steps to work through, so that I don't feel so lost and overwhelmed with it.

How are you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes, I am here - let's do it! @NightFury 💛

Firstly, not sleeping enough is exhausting in itself, but I think the attachment, frustration, and disappointment we have surrounding not sleeping can make the whole experience even more overwhelming.

But like, how are we simply meant to let go of something so important, right?

However, I think finding strategies that help to promote your sense of soothing and safety will be really helpful here. I know you do this already, but perhaps focusing on how you can encourage a real sense of rest will allow your nervous system an opportunity for regulation (and hopefully some sleep).

For example, "I can't sleep, but I am going to allow myself to rest by watching this TV serious/listening to this meditation/having this bath/snuggling with Luna".

I know this is SO much easier said than done, but my psychologist told me that any rest is better than none when we are experiencing insomnia - it goes a long way.

What are your thoughts on this? ☺️

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I know I should just let it go, but I can't. My thoughts, my brain won't allow it. It's just this constant state of stress and anxiety and fear surrounding it. And I know I sound like a cracked record - and I feel like a cracked record. I'm sorry.

That sounds like a good plan. I don't have a TV in the bedroom, but maybe it's something like..."I'm going to have a shower, make a warm drink and lay/sit in front of the fire for a minute with a book or the TV on quietly in the background."

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It really is SO hard, and it's not simple at all... I have been there and my gosh, it took over. So I understand completely. I think that's where looking at what you can control is helpful in such overwhelming, uncontrollable situations like this. So, choosing to focus on other types of rest is a good place to start. I really like your plan, it sounds so wholesome.

If you are feeling dysregulated in the middle of the night, what else could you do? I am thinking maybe calling a support service like Beyond Blue? What are your thoughts? @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think that's probably part of the problem @AuntGlow I feel so powerless. I know I'm not, it just makes me feel that way.

Calling a support line at that time of the night is an option AuntGlow, probably one that I should already be utilising. Then maybe I won't feel like I'm so alone.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hear you... you're allowed to feel all of this. It's so important to honour where you're at and acknowledge when things are hard as well. @NightFury

I think connection in these late-night moments would be very regulating, just someone to provide reassurance when we aren't around. ☺️💛

What can you do to help today feel slightly more easeful?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I'm picking my niece up from day care this afternoon and spending some time with her. We might go to Kmart.

But when I drop her back home - I just need to do the thing we did last week, where I focus on the grounding things in my space and grounding myself in that space.

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