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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

COFFFEEEE!!!

Well done for treating yourself!

It's Wed, so at least you've made it up to now. Is there anything you want to talk about today? You mentioned 'not totally unscathed'?

OOOO, this assignment sounds like a big one. Ethical considerations is a hard one to tackle. I always find it dificult.

Also, you've never spoken too much about your dad or family members. Are they around much?

Sorry for all these questions.

Tomorrow with your niece sounds lilke fun (from my perspective). I spent some time with my nibblings today and I just gotta love them.

TW: OCD, SH

As for OCD as a kid, I'll just put it in a spoiler:

Content/trigger warning
I became super anxious as a kid. I internalised a lot. Every time I had a fear or upset, I'd keep it inside. As a kid, I remember lying in my bed crying because I could 'see' things and they wouldn't go away.

Then, I developed compulsive checking behaviours. I would have complete meltdowns if I didn't check lights or taps. I needed to know they were off. Then I'd leave and have to go back and check and check and check again. I developed so much anxiety over checking. My parents were unaware as I wouuld lash out, but I never told them what was going on for me inside.

The turning point there was when I was in the early years of highschool. I moved house. I began to develop other ways to 'control' my environment. So it moved from checking behaviours to ordering things. Things had to be done a certain way. The radio had to be on at a certain time and off at a certain time. When I didn't have that control, I was completely out of control.

By the end of highschool, I was so emotionally dysregulated that I even threw a table/chair at a teacher. Then I hardly went to school.

Ummm... long story short, the SH started and it was the beginning of 15 years of emotional hell(?)

But good news is, I'm in a totally good place. I wouldn't go back for anything, but I also don't regret anything because it's taught me to empathise and understand the need of others.

Hope this makes sense. Also, as you are studying and working on your assignments, I hope I'm not distracting you. Please don't feel obliged to respond if you are busy.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 thank you for sharing your experiences.

I know that I feel particularly disconnected from myself at the moment - brought on by feeling the dulled down effects of the meds. It's not comfortable for me to feel that disconnection.

And I feel disconnected from others, so it's really present for me.

You've shared your experience with nightmares before. Not being able to move sounds terrifying.

Me too on the sleep front, Till23!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

We would never judge you! @NightFury

It sounds like you were a very sensitive and perceptive child, with no one around you who really understood or could hold you in your emotional experience. That would have felt like abandonement every time... which would have made things feel even bigger. I really feel for this part of you, she was just needing some soothing and reassurance to trust that she was safe. We're going to work really hard to build up the parts of you that can do that, okay? 💛

What you experienced is not uncommon for many anxious children and I completely understand why this would all impact and affect you today - especially when you're finding it hard to sleep.

When is your GP appointment?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've packed up the study @tyme I've finished the research, I just have to pull it all together and actually write the thing. So it's wind down time for me or I won't be able to turn my brain off to give myself the best chance of sleep.

Today's just been stressful, that's all. I had a rough night and a meltdown in the middle of the night. I'm finding it hard to get out of bed of a morning because my body just needs sleep and I am dealing every morning with the whole..."I don't wanna go to work," mood. And because of my middle of the night meltdown - I've felt pretty fragile today. So, the kids and their behavioural issues this afternoon became difficult to deal with, on top of managing my own regulation. That's kind of what I mean by 'unscathed.'

My family are around. They are supportive to an extent. My Mum struggles with regulation and with social things, she struggles with things she doesn't understand and with communicating her emotions. My Dad has temper issues. I can turn to them when I need something practical, but not for other things. I have a full brother and a half brother (whom, I've not had contact with in a couple of years). My Grandfather is still battling on, and turns 90 on Sunday. My aunt has issues with addiction, and is supported financially by my Grandfather. I had two uncles - still have one left that I don't see often and the other had bipolar and passed away (S) a few years ago. I rarely have anything to do with anyone else in my family.

Ask away, I'll answer what I can. Some of it's tricky but I'll let you know what's tricky when and if it comes up.

Hopefully tomorrow happens and she's well enough to take her out for some fun. It may just be like...a trip to the park or to Macca's, but it's time well spent.

Thank you for sharing, I can relate actually. Checking doors to make sure they're locked, checking oven tops to make sure they're off...more than a couple of times so that I was satisfied I was safe, there wasn't going to be a fire, or someone wasn't going to break in while I was asleep. Things like that...developing routines to help me feel regulated and having to follow them to the tee. Yep, I can relate.

I don't know if the above needs to be in a TW...I'm on my phone now and can't do them. Please add if you feel it needs it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Abandonment kind of comes up a lot for me. It's a tricky one to manage @AuntGlow and I think that's a big thing...learning to trust that I'm safe and can keep myself safe.

My GP appointment is next Wednesday. I tried to get in earlier today, by trying to put my name on the cancellation list, but my GP is actually on leave.

It felt like a bit of a setback again. Kind of feels a bit like...no one can or will help me, help myself with this. If that makes sense?

I feel...like I'm on a slippery slope at the moment but I know that it's just because I'm so exhausted and it's having an impact.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've been told that teaching is 80% behaviour and 20% teaching. I was only speaking to someone today who said that for nursing and teaching, you really gotta love it or you really end up burnt out @NightFury

It's a tough gig.

I'm not sure what the future of education will be like.

And what I've noticed is that often, it's not that kids are 'bad', but that they need additional support to thrive?

I can see how jugggling this and also your own mental health can be exhausting!

Well done to you!

And it sounds like you are really making way with this assignment! Totally amazing. My course co-ordinator emailed me today. When I log off tonight, I'll have a look at my own assignments! I think I have one due on Monday!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

We do a lot of pastoral care and behaviour management @tyme

I'm teaching in the suburb I grew up in. It's low socio-economic and our families struggle. We feed children regularly - provide and make toasted sandwiches for them, we provide Up and Go's, packets of chips, packets of noodles, things to make sandwiches because our families are unable to do it for themselves.

They're not bad kids, they're just not taught values, or how to manage themselves in social settings, they're not taught things like respecting each other, and things like being kind to each other doesn't come naturally to them, so we fill the gaps and do what we can.

It's a tough job. And I find it really has an impact on me and on my mental health...if I'm honest.

I wish you luck with your assignments!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sorry @NightFury I didn't realise I was repeating myself and certainly didn'y intend it.

I wish you the very best with your efforts of dealing with your feeling of disconnection. I understand it is a really present issue for you.

I was also saying that I feel disconnected from people and it's an ongoing problem for me but hopefully that wouldn't be the case for you, as you are trying to discuss it with people and work on it.

I'm probably not good at expressing myself

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

We have to be accountable for each other tomorrow! @NightFury

I'm still feeling a little lost!

Tonight, I'm going to:

- do some training after I log off

- catch up on emails

- go to bed

Tomorrow:

- meeting

- um... don't know.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'll check in with you to see how you've gone tomorrow @tyme

Would it help to focus on the easy wins? The small things you do for yourself that are a part of your daily, but we take for granted because they are something we get done on a daily basis?

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