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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh my goodness, that is SO much work - especially after a full work week! You should be really proud of your efforts. I think some rest and rec is definitely in order - have you started the diamond dot painting and a cuppa? 😋 @NightFury

Hmm... it sounds like there were some real ebbs and flows for you this weekend. Have you experienced any little 'glimmer' moments?

My weekend has been very quiet, just recovering from being sick and doing some life admin haha I will have more exciting stories for you soon, hopefully.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I kept getting cramps in my forearm from all of the note taking.

I've had a cuppa, started and moved on from the diamond dots. I'm now sitting on the floor in front of the fire watching one of my fave YouTubers.

Glimmers moments? Maybe my morning cuddle from Luna today - she lays on me and licks my face, and seems so excited that I'm awake and alive. It makes me feel loved and needed. It was particularly nice following something that happened last night.

You don't need to have anything exciting to share with me. I like hearing about your day, normal life bits and all.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Anything worth unpacking together @NightFury?

Just went to the shops haha nothing too exciting. Survived the sensory nightmare world, yippee! 🤣

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've just switched to my laptop because it needs a trigger warning @Jynx @AuntGlow. I don't know how to talk about it, or to sit with my thoughts around it...so, if it's not okay, let me know? Please.

I feel pretty anxious about sharing, because I know I chose not to share what was happening for me last night @Jynx and I'm sorry for that.

TW: features SI

Content/trigger warning
Trigger Warning: Talks about SI

Last night I did something with the intention and desperation of just wanting a good night's sleep, but I have to admit there may have been other things happening in the background. I'm okay. Nothing came of it. I just...slept like a log until 1.40 am and got up this morning feeling pretty groggy and slow and...trying to make sense of it.

I don't know if I want to unpack it, or if this is the place for that, or if it's worth worrying about, or whether I want to just let it be and move on...but I would like someone else to know and to not have to carry it on my own.

@tyme

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury ty for sharing hun - seriously, take a big breath, you did it! You said the gnarly stuff.

TW: SI

Content/trigger warning
So what I'm hearing is that you maybe had part of you that was just looking to conk out, but part of you maybe wanted to not wake up, is that right?

It would not surprise me if that internal conflict has created some shame, or fear, or both for you. What does it feel like to talk about it more openly? And are you worried about that sort of thing maybe happening again?

I hear that perhaps part of you wants to just move forward, which is understandable... curious though, what does that feel like for the part that had these feelings in the first place?

You don't have to carry this one alone hun. Glad you felt safe enough to share 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx my emotions are all stirry. On the brink of tears and all swirly in the belly.

TW: SI

Content/trigger warning
Maybe...

because maybe I knew a little bit about the consequences of what I was doing and still chose to do it.

Both shame and fear, I think. I am ashamed of myself for that and for a number of reasons at the moment and fear because...this is the second time something like this has happened and I haven't told anyone about it.

Talking about it feels like a relief, but I'm also afraid of talking about it openly. I have it in my head that it's not safe to share these things with anyone - here or with my counsellor (who wants to have a conversation about my safety in our session on Tuesday).

I don't know how to answer your question about how it feels for that part of me that maybe had these feelings, looking at those thoughts and those feelings are...they're slippery...like I can't grip a hold of them. Like, I don't want to. I don't know if that makes sense.

I'm safe, it's not something that I'm going to repeat tonight. I'm just trying to sit with it and not sit with it alone.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury take some deep breaths hun, and remember that you don't need to keep talking about it if it's creating lots of ick feelings. Let me know if a change of topic could help 😉

I think sometimes that voice at the back of our brains can feel...locked away I guess? It's not that we're ignoring it, it's more like, that immediate need for relief takes over.

You've told someone about it now!! It is totally scary when things like this happen. But awareness is always the first step - maybe this is stuff to bring up with your supports, or something you could safety plan for.

I'm curious about your experiences of 'not feeling safe' to be able to admit these things - do you mean in terms of external intervention, or more related to a sense of guilt/shame? Or is it something else, like around burdensome feelings or being worried that admitting it makes it more real? Just trying to understand more about your experiences 😉

Slippery thoughts oh I know that one... I wonder if it's a side effect of dissociation? Which is what our brains do to protect us from feelings that are Too Big Right Now.

Glad you feel safe for tonight. Let us know if that changes ok? 😊💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I'll let you know. I should have last night, I'm sorry.

It's silly. That's the thing, I know my feelings of not being safe to share this stuff, and not the reasons why, are silly.

It's the medical stuff again. I don't want to have emergency services knocking on my door, I don't want to have to go to hospital, I don't have the supports for that - like I have no one to take care of my dog, and what happens with my work and then what happens with my rental? My family might find out and that would be horrible and I would be so ashamed, because I have always been the one that's outwardly got it all together. My head goes straight to worst case scenario and it catastrophizes it all.

And, I don't want to draw attention to it, because people might worry about me, and that draws attention to me. And maybe also a little bit of not wanting to voice it and make it real?

Maybe dissociation - maybe it's a case of, I don't want to look at the big scary thing...

I have a feeling you'll present an alternative perspective, which I'm open and listening to, but after your reply, can we leave it where it's at for now? Please!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sorry @NightFury it's been a bit hectic over here. I can still share my thoughts if you want them? Or we can wait till next weekend if it's a little too close to my finish time (don't wanna pull all the stuff outta the box then just leave you in the mess, you know?).

Let me know.

Hugs in the mean time!

(っᵔ◡ᵔ)っ

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's okay. I want to hear your thoughts, but let's leave it until next weekend @Jynx

I need the squish pressure hug!

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