FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

1,191 - 1,200 of 3,920

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury amazing!! Alas to be expected I think - sleep debt and all that. Less waking up is definitely a win tho!

I'm alright, was just telling Captain that my sleep has been a bit wonky too - the night before last I got 10.5 hours sleep and felt bone tired yesterday. Last night I got like 4.5 and somehow feel wayyyy more perky today, it's wild.

What have you been up to this arvo?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's certainly a mystery how you can sleep for longer and feel worse than what you do with only a few hours of sleep @Jynx

Today because I got more sleep than what I expected, I woke up determined to get the running around things done.

So, today I went into a shopping centre to try and buy my Grandfather a 90th birthday present for his party next weekend - I found nothing and got frustrated, and a bit over stimulated, so I gave up and left. It was raining and there were people and cars everywhere. I went and did my washing at the laundrette, then got did some grocery shopping and came home and unpacked the groceries.

I'm just sitting here feeling guilty for not touching any study, but also feeling kinda...done for the day. I'm in a bit of an odd mood, to be honest.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I mean my brain would be fried too!! Lots of crowds, fluoro lights, and the stress of not finding something for a gift, ugh the sensory overwhelm is so real. So the notion of staring at a screen all night, tryna focus?

Maybe if the guilts are getting to you, you can give yourself a very small goal for tonight - like re-reading the assignment outline/marking criteria (if its available), reading the intro to any papers or readings, or something very small like that. It all counts! Especially rereading the outline haha misreading that has gotten me in trouble! As in, lost a lotta marks, not like the teacher got up me or anything lol

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've got my jaded, cranky pants on @Jynx

Literally today after a couple of hours dealing with shopping centre chaos and inability to find something to gift to my Grandfather I went..."well, I won't get him anything then." And left.

It was like my 2 year old niece stomping her foot and throwing a tantrum.

I tell ya what? I'll get my laptop out and aim for an hour of study...and see what happens.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Haha been there @NightFury - our inner child never does go away and I reckon it's okay to 'chuck a wobbly' every now and then. Let that little one express themself!

I mean I'd aim even lower lol like 20 minutes - mainly cos for myself, an hour feels like a HUGE task whereas if I set myself the goal of going for 15-20 min, it feels more approachable. Then like 8/10 times, I end up getting into flow/rhythm and go for an hour anyway!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yeah, I don't think it's about not finding him a gift @Jynx.

My Grandfather is turning 90 and he played a huge part in raising me. My Mum went back to full time work about six weeks after having me and my grandparents had me every day until I was old enough to go to school. He is the only grandparent I have left. It's confronting. My brain doesn't know what to do with it knowing that at 90 years old, with the health problems that he has, he's lived his life and a good one at that and at some point soon, I'm going to lose him. He's in a nursing home and we've already almost lost him a few times this year, and all he's aiming for is to make it to 90. So, I guess it makes sense that little me is throwing tantrums over this.

I like your idea of just aiming small. 20 minutes it is!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury absolutely - aww he sounds like a special guy. I think what you're experiencing is sometimes called anticipatory grief. I am in a similar boat as my Grandmother is also 90, and my father is quite unwell (late stage Parkinson's). It's complex hey, and difficult to kinda 'pin down'. Almost like it feels 'wrong' to be thinking about life without them. So not finding him a gift would definitely contribute to being in an odd mood or feeling super overwhelmed.

Let us know how you go!! You got dis 💪

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It does feel 'wrong' to be thinking about life without them @Jynx thank you for sharing your story about your Grandmother and your father. It's hard seeing them decline from the strong, capable and engaging people they once were, from the picture and memory of them you hold in your mind.

I'm actually thinking about tapping out tonight and just taking some space.

Thank you for supporting me to achieve my goal of finishing this week's course content so that tomorrow I can focus on the assignment.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury you're welcome hun, and ty for sharing with me as well. These things ain't always easy to talk about hey. And yeah... so hard watching the decline. I really miss who my dad used to be. Tho I try to remember that who he used to be is one of the main reasons I am how I am, and I'm super grateful to him for that. In a way, we carry on their legacy when we carry their love with us.

All the best! I hope you find your flow 😉💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hugs my friend @Jynx

I really like your way of looking at it, and of having gratitude for your Dad's role in your life and in the development of the person you are today.

I've packed the study away. I feel like I got done what I needed to tonight.

I'm struggling with positivity tonight and just feeling moooody emotionally, and I don't want that to have an impact here.

1,191 - 1,200 of 3,920