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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I have a couple of things...

I just had a very brief chat with Beyond Blue. I'm worried, my own thoughts are really unsettled and my anxiety has been...a little different and full on over the last week or so. They recommended I talk to my care team about the changes I'm experiencing and sent me some grounding exercise videos and then ended the chat. I get it, right, but I just...I just wanted to share and connect with someone who maybe gets it. I just wanted someone to hear.

And I realise how...almost conflicting this next part is going to sound...

I have my first appointment with a psych tomorrow, and already in my head, I'm like..."I'm not talking to him in detail about me." I don't know him, I don't know what to expect. I'm nervous about it, about having not done it before, about it feeling...feeling really disconnected. The Guided Recovery counsellor was different, because I was connected through SANE. It gave me a bit of confidence that it was...that it was safe.

Also, I'm worried about my brother and I don't know why, but it changes my perceptions of him. I'm just trying to settle into a new perception about him. I won't go into detail, because it's a public forum - but he has always been a bit of a wild card. Always in trouble, always kind of verging on the edge of volatility. I found out that he went to court yesterday and was charged and found guilty of stealing...it's not his first time in court, but he had settled and has a wife and children now...and it's hard to sit with.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hear you, that sounds really disheartening... it seems like being heard and held is really important for you right now. @NightFury Particularly, with people you know and trust.

It's hard because you eventually have to open up in order to build trust and rapport with someone! But it's okay to take this slow and at your own pace, and to feel into it and get a sense of whether the person is a good fit for you or not. I know this may feel more vulnerable for you given everything you have experienced, so maybe you could open up the chat with your new psychologist about how you're feeling towards sharing? That will allow him to meet you where you're at and help to create a safer space for you. 🥰

And regarding your brother, that must feel really vulnerable for you too... I get the sense you have sometimes felt responsible for making sure he is okay? It would be really hard seeing him in trouble - what is worrying you most here?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think it is important to me for me to feel heard and held at the moment @AuntGlow

Starting with sharing how I feel about sharing, with my psychologist sounds like a good idea. Then it kind of sets the scene. I've been confident and felt able to share with my counsellor things like...when a conversation is hard for me and I might need some guidance or guiding questions, so maybe it's just building that to begin with? I think the problem is...I don't know what to expect. I've never done this before.

I've always felt responsible for making sure that he is okay. It's been us against the world for a long time. I've even taken him in and let him live with me when he needed, and up until recently have never said no to lending him money or giving him what he needs. I've picked him up from nightclubs and parties at all hours of the morning, just to make sure that he gets home safely. I kind of took a step back when he got married a year ago, and it changed our relationship a little because now he has someone else to catch him if and when he falls. I'm worried this is just the start of some of his old behaviours returning. I saw something in him the other night at a family dinner that made me worried of the same thing. He used to be volatile, angry, has had problems with drink driving and spending money, he's been to court for assault and he used to have horrible and frightening arguments with our parents. It's been a while since we've seen this in his life and now two consecutive things have happened that just...have me worried.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury! I am sorry I haven't responded yet, but I have read your message - I will get back to you properly first thing on Sunday.

I think saying whatever is sitting in your heart or belly is the best way to explore feelings in therapy - it's often a gateway straight into the core of our 'stuff', actually. I know it is scary, but you can do this. You have done it here and we are so proud of you! 🥰

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury , you around?

How'd your day go?

Today, I completed:

1) out to the cafe

2) visited a family friend

3) NAPPPED!!!

And now i'm here.

You? Did you get to take Luna out or do some study?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme I'm here...just quiet.

It sounds like you had a social day.

Today I...

- Cleaned and tidied the house

- had my house inspection (she showed up 2 hours early, while I was still cleaning)

- went and voted early so I don't have to deal with the crowds on Saturday.

- did a couple of hours of study.

I didn't take Lu for a walk, but she did come for a ride in the car when I went to vote.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It may be quiet, but it sounds like you got a fair bit done today.

I'm sure Luna is happy to be with you wherever you go.

Wow! A few hours of study! Once I finish up here tonight, I'm going to do a few assignments too. We can 'compare' tomorrow lol. I did some last night too. I've been staying up until 2-3am ... maybe that's why I also need sleep in the arvo lol

But because I slept this afternoon, I'm going to be awake for a while tonight.

Hope the house inspection went okay.

Plans for tomorrow? @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme Luna wants nothing more than to be by my side constantly. She's very attached.

2 - 3 am? Wow. That's probably why you needed a nap, yes. Around 3 am is the time that I woke up this morning. We can chat about study tomorrow, would like to hear about what you're learning and doing in your studies.

The insection went well. I felt like I was a bit rude when I told her the email said it was scheduled for between 1.15 and 3.15 pm...and not 11 am. But she kept telling me she didn't know what I was worried about, the house was "spotless."

I don't have a lot for tomorrow. I need to figure that out...

So far...

- wash my dreadlocks

- study

- my very first psych appointment at 5.

What about you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

First psych appointment? Hope you are feeling okay about it. I look forward to hearing about it.

Tomorrow, I don't have as much and it depends on what time I sleep tonight:

1) tidy my house?

2) hop on the forums (I think I start at 1pm tomorrow and i finish early)

3) go out in the late evening to the city maybe? Take the kiddos out (if they have a nap in the arvo)

To be honest, I really don't know about tomorrow yet lol.

Oh, I have half a basket of ironing to finish so maybe I'll do that 🙂 @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme yeah, my very first. I've not done this before. I was nervous and over thinking it. I don't know what to expect and I'm a bit...unsure about talking to someone I don't know. But I've kind crashed tonight, and now don't feel anything about it.

A trip to the city of a night sounds like fun. I used to be fascinated as a child with the different lights and colours of the lights in the city as a child.

I know you're off soon, but can you check in tomorrow? Let me know about your day maybe?

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