I really regret filing for an IVO

@Blackcloud I'm so sorry you are going through all this now. Sending you big hugs sweet ❤️

Be hard to stay positive amongst so much stress @Blackcloud - pls remember that you deserve safety too, both physical and psychological, and this action was what felt like it would give you that at the time.

Deep breaths, one step at a time. We will be here with ya the whole way 💜

@Jynx ya I know but the following morning after I applied the IVO, the things my mum was saying to me on the messenger app after I tried arguing with her over the fact that she’s not respecting my choices of not wanting to look for a relationship, the things she said yesterday morning did actually made me kinda reconsider….she was basically saying all of them from a place of care and concern and I thought maybe I should be more open to meeting up with the guy she introduced me to on the messenger the day before (the same day I applied for the IVO). Because the things she outlined about what he can possibly do for me actually did kinda meet my expectations. That’s why I then chose to apply to revoke the order yesterday evening.

I imagine the emotional and stressful process of having to attend a court hearing date and the possibility her and I not allowed to talk to each other after the registrar issues the court date for us on our first phone calls….gosh, she’s gonna be so angry at me I know it.😭 and im scared and worried 😭

@Blackcloud whenever I'm suuuper scared someone is gonna be angry at me, I tell them that!! Sometimes, they actually are angry, but usually they reassure me that it's all fine and can be worked out together. The times when they are angry, it's usually cos... they kinda have every right to be, but also they are a bit gentler with me after cos they can also understand my side of it.

Do you think that might help in your situation, just like, letting her know how scared you are and how you do have this regret and stuff?

@Jynx I’d like to try and tell her but I’m too scared. I even told the lawyer on the webchat today that my mum doesnt know that I’ve filed an IVO against her and his response was that “at the moment it’s probably for the best”. so yeah.

Yeah @Blackcloud deffo listen to your lawyer I reckon - cos your safety is paramount!! If you can seek emotional safety, fantastic, but not if there's risk to your physical safety or high risk of phsychological injury from it.... in other words, protect your peace!! If she might like, explode at you or put you through the ringer for it, even if you offer your perspective and intentions and stuff, then deffo not worth the risk hey.

@Jynx Hmm but what does an emotional safety really look like though, if you don’t mind me asking?

@Blackcloud well, being petrified of someone's reaction to information is decidedly not emotional safety for starters.

Do you know about the Window of Tolerance? That's probably the best way of describing it - being in your window, is being emotionally safe.

Hmm it's a good question. Cos sometimes, we are gonna be in situations where fully being emotionally safe is not really an option - like say, a court appearance. That's gonna be distressing no matter what (unless you're a lawyer and like, it's your job lol).

So then it's more about 'harm minimisation' than aiming for full prevention. That might look like:

Having an emotional support person present during difficult meetings

Asking to take regular breaks/tap out if needed so you can go regulate

Bringing stim toys or other familiar items to help with grounding and stimming

Being allowed to have stuff like noise cancelling headphones I guess?

I dunno how much of that is feasible, but yeah just things that help us to stay grounded, connected, and away from the spiral.

@Blackcloud eep, also, nighty night!! I always lose track of time haha. Hugs to you hun, whatever happens we will be with you along the way! 💜

@Blackcloud I am very sorry you were encouraged to escalate to the legal level but glad you feel better about your mother's conversations. Maturity and loyalty and negotiating different stages in life can be difficult.