Angry and alone

Just reading through the whole thread and read your response.

my goodness I do hope you reported that psychologist to the association they should not be practising.

a photograph of them pinned to a board would be beneficial.

provide coloured pens, pins, darts, spray cans for art appreciation.

Boy good grief it posted after all.

@TheVorticon This sort of thing happens to me all of the time. I sometimes read it as being about me as silly as that sounds.

I too often feel like you do although my anger is not addressed to others physically more mentally. My anger is also redirected to myself.

For me I believe that it is about my self esteem.

I had two previous abusive relationships each different and enough to have a long lasting effect much to my chagrin now.

I have had psychotherapy for a few years now and can recognise the effect.

I am now in the stages of refinding me, learning about the newly evolved, stronger yet again me and looking for new experiences.

However I still get angry reactions to certain self-centred, false airheads.

Is your anger mainly at yourself for not meeting expectations of self? When we are angry at ourselves which might stem from fear, helplessness, abandonment, dismissal from others we do reflect at times hence your concern re pent up anger potentially redirected at others, or we can internalise. Hence name calling self denigration.

I have experienced the above.

I have read your whole thread.

I found your writing and humour of a high standard enough to say that you have the beginnings of a writer.

One more thing please do not compare yourself to others. Some people on the forums need an audience, a following. They feign that they don't but they drag attention back to them dramatically. No different to school days or workforce.

So do no feel that you need to have as many likes. Incidentally I liked many of your comments and found myself showing appreciation by clicking like.

As others have said you are a very likeable person. It is hard for others to see this side particularly if their are defence walls in place. You like myself, I believe are more of a one to one person who likes intelligent conversations.

I hope as others do too that you continue to post on here when you feel like it.

You have some valuable input to be shared.

I am sorry if this is too long or flowery. I sincerely wanted you to know that I totally get how you feel. You are not alone with these experiences at all. The majority of people who feel this way are not able to understand or express how they feel.

So be proud you are helping many.

Hi @TheVorticon,

WOW, I SUPER love the way you talked out your problem the other night. I totally agree with what you and @CheerBear both said about how big feelings often make messes seem so much bigger than they actually are. I don't know how many times I have totally freaked out about something with massive panic and floods of tears...and yet somehow still managed to survive whatever the situation was. I think I have got better over the years at accepting that I need to dump the big feelings somehow (e.g. crying, hiding in my bed, yelling into my pillow etc) and wait for my thinking brain to kick back in. It sounds like your thinking brain kicked in super amazingly well the other night @TheVorticon and you came up with an awesome plan for dealing with the thing.

From what you were saying, it sounds like the thing became a problem because you put off dealing with it earlier, is that right? One of my favourite phrases in the Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) training manual is "avoid avoiding." I tell myself that A LOT when I am super anxious about doing something. Like you, I have had experiences of things becoming more complicated because I have put off dealing with them. Thus I really try to live by the motto of "avoid avoiding" now.

Sorry to hear that you experience similar feelings and thoughts @Former-Member, particularly as a result of previous abusive relationships. It's good that you're beginning to re-find yourself and your strength again. I wish you all the best moving forward.

I think there's two parts to my anger. Failing to meet my own expectations is definitely a big one, as you mentioned. This is the one that I'll usually take out internally on myself.
The other part is feeling alone, rejected, not-heard and ignored, at times when I am already hurting and actively wanting to connect with someone for 'help'. That's when it turns into externalised anger (in an "I'll show them" style) for awhile until it flips.

Thankyou for the compliment about my writing and humour, and for taking the time to read through the thread and post such a detailed response.

Today's just one of those "everything's too hard" days. I started cooking dinner at lunch time today so at least I should have one proper meal this weekend.
I started typing these responses 5 hours ago, as of the time of writing of this sentence.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I just need a break from everything. Sorry @CheerBear and @Phoenix_Rising, I'll probably get back to you later when I'm not freaking out about how hard it is to form sentences.

The car stuff sounds really overwhelming @CheerBear. Good work trying to deal with it today. It definitely sucks to feel alone with tricky stuff like that. I know it doesn't help, but it sounds like you're giving it your best shot. You've got this and it'll be worth it in the end.

@CheerBear thanks for asking about the thing on the weekend. It actually went alright, all things considered. And I don't have to deal with the thing again for a few days. Unfortunately I was stuck in "everything's overwhelming" land regardless, so didn't get to really congratulate myself for getting through that stage of the thing. Still kind of stuck there. Did you manage to make a bit of progress with the car, even in terms of finding information?

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising. Yeah a big part of the reason the problem occurred was due to avoidance. "Avoid avoidance" sounds like a good motto, although probably a scary one to live by at times. Do you find it a bit empowering when you complete something that your first instinct was to avoid?