Angry and alone

I checked it and it's wrong, 100% my stupid fault and I'm a dumbass idiot sack of shit

This wouldn't have happened if I'd checked before but oh no it was too overwhelming to check the thing and look where it bloody got me... SACK OF SHIT

It would've taken two seconds but NO I didn't do it like a giant dumbass and I don't know how the hell I can fix this, it's going to be a million times harder and I just don't want to deal with it

Awwww @TheVorticon it sounds like you've made a mistake over something. That's ok. Most mistakes are fixable. If someone else had made this same mistake, would you call them a dumbass idiot sack of shit???

It's sort of fixable but not easily and not by me and I have to get the guy back to do it and it's just been a waste of all the hard work I did today to try and get through the thing and just makes the next thing even harder.

Honestly, 100% honestly, yes. I would. Not to their face, but 100% yes I would think they were a complete idiot.

So mad with myself that I did this, I can't even do anything else but punch myself in the head because I'm so stupid STUPID STUPID!

@TheVorticon, Ok, well "idiot" is an improvement on "dumbass idiot sack of shit."

I'm glad the problem is fixable, even though it sounds like it is going to be a hassle and means a whole lot of work was wasted.

I work really hard on the sort of language I use. It may sound silly, but I find that language really can shape my emotions. For example, I have developed the habit of referring to myself as a "peanut" rather than an "idiot" when I do something silly, because it feels less condemning to me. I'm a silly peanut quite often...and that's ok. Everyone messes up sometimes.

I can see how that might be a good strategy sometimes @Phoenix_Rising. However this is bigger than being 'peanut-like' or somewhat silly. This is due to not being thorough on something that I absolutely should have been. For letting myself off the hook because it "felt too hard". It was a very, very, VERY easy job to check. It required less than 0.001% of a brain cell. And I didn't, because emotionally it felt too hard to do. So I don't think I can let myself off the easy way with this. There is no longer allowed to be any easy way. There is one way. The correct way. The way that doesn't do dumbass idiot mistakes because of hand wavey "be kind to myself" bullshit that gets me nowhere but deeper into being a no hope loser asshat.