Angry and alone

It's not ok to be a zigzag in the real world though. It's ok to wear zigzag socks but I have to pretend to fundamentally be whatever the other shape is that I'm supposed to be. That's the only way to survive in the real world.
I'm defective. I don't know what part of me is broken or if there's a way to make it functional. Maybe psychologist #1 was on the money with the mild aspergers thing and wasn't a complete buffoon. Or maybe they were still a bit of an idiot but were just sensing this misalignment. The jagged edged zigzag peg joke of a bloody person.

Those on the asperges spectrum aren't defective. They see things differently is all. I have a friend on the spectrum and he is raising his boys - one with autism. And yes, his sensesare more hheightened than mine sometimes. But he's not defective.
Neither are you. Neither am I with my MI.
We just see things differently and that's what I love about this world. I couldn't cope if we were all the same. Nothing would ever be invented. Art would all be the same. No creativity. No cures. Would be an awful bloody boring 'stepfords wife' existence. And I couldn't live with that.

Ok, poor phrasing on my part - agreed that people with autism spectrum stuff aren't defective, they're different and cool in ways that can be different to the mainstream.
But whatever makes me "me" has failed in some way, through a combination of issues, one of which may or may not be related to the above but isn't the entire picture.
I don't know how else to describe it. It's not about what I produce, I'm just the wrong type of person and don't have the will to fix it.

Is that because it's hard to make friends @TheVorticon? Don't you fit in at work?

I think I understand @TheVorticon. At work - you are needed for your skills / expertise. At social events etc for work - you are not comfortable and /or they are not comfortable.
There is no 'boohoo' in feeling lonely or like an outsider. That wwould be very hard.
Is there something you think might change that perception? Are their groups you could join in with - where your zigzag shape fits or isn't noticeable as different from other?
Pokemon clubs. Movie groups. Gaming or computer clubs. Asperges club.

Yeah pretty much.
I don't think so. I don't think I have it in me to even try.

That's a very sad place to be @TheVorticon. Maybe you don't have it in you to try today. But maybe tmw or next week you will.
Do you want to come on over to zoe's I'm not coping thread? There are a few of us there

@TheVorticon @Zoe7. Don't forget me - the Cocky