self love

hello @BlueBay @Appleblossom @utopia @Zoe7 @Former-Member

This is a very interesting topic.

Those of us who suffer low self-esteem, lack in self love and self compassion feel as though we are different, set apart to others whom in our eyes have it all.

Finding these forums, has confirmed to me that I am not alone, we are not alone, in fact we are in the majority and there are more who dont have a mental illness who have this lack of...................

I have always been extremely good at comforting, reassuring, confidence building towards others. It is something that is inherent in me from since being a little girl. Something that always made me feel different to everyone else.

I have read many books on the subject, had confidence in my work, great people skills, social butterfly on the outer.

I had a period of time where I felt good within myself. I had had years of psychoanalysis and realised one day that i liked myself. It was just there.

Then life circumstances, one after the other and so on and so on. horrible stuff self esteem disappeared, found myself after a series of incidents deep in depression with ptsd and then major anxiety. Then son finally diagnosis situation discussed elsewhere. Have since had twin and mother drama now resolved.

when i joined here i reached out to others and was all over the place. responses were as chaotic as my mind was. I wanted to help every person whose post i read. i felt some of their pain.

Then I started finding posts that i had written accidentally. I didnt remember writing them. I read them and read how I was encouraging others. How I was reassuring others. Telling others how much they mattered, they were valued, loved, so very important and how I was touched by them.

Well I have started to apply some of that to me, yes little me and I finally now realise that I do matter even though I have been told so many times I did not believe it before.

This is only a tiny step forward, at the same time important. So this is how I feel today.

I just wanted to share this with you all. It is never too late. Age doesnt really matter.

@BlueBay I get what you mean... how can it feel genuine.

I think what your looking for is resilience. And you have that in spades. Ignore the lovey dovey stuff your a survivor.

Thanks @Former-Member for your reply. I wish I was like you and @utopia.

Maybe it is going to take time for self love. Actually do you know what I did today? - I was feeling pretty crap so later in the afternoon I decided I wanted a pedicure and had one done. I even got the lady to paint my toe nails. It was so nice sitting there while i was getting my nails done and having a massage with the chair. OMG it was heaven. I closed my eyes and thought of the island I was in (my virtual island!!) 🙂

Thank you so much @Gilgamesh. I think I need a lot of practice to learn how to love myself. I can love my children so much, my friends and hubby but with me - not so much.

And for some reason it doesn't feel right. I don't know why.

Hope you are doing okay. 🙂

I find it hard. Lots of reading, having people to fall on, my hobbies. That helps.

hello @BlueBay @utopia @Arjay @Former-Member @Gilgamesh @Appleblossom

Hello all

I just wanted to say that I have read all of the responses several times.

A common factor in all of them is trust.

This is going to be emotional so do not read any further if you feel that this might affect you or trigger emotional feelings that you are unable to cope with at this time.

Having been trampled on, hurt, abused, humiliated, disrespected by people whom we thought we could trust knocks our healthy self-esteem, sends it tumbling to the ground. When this happens on more than one occasion and also with more than one person, the feeling is shattering. Each of you would have your own devastating feelings in relation to your own experiences.

I have been in that place, picked up the pieces gradually and rebuilt my self-esteem only for some other manipulative, scheming, lying, person to do even more damage. Rock bottom is not a nice place to be. Then one circumstance after another, impossible to pick oneself up as all of the energy is used in getting through yet another horrid experience.

People can tell us that we matter, we are worthwhile, we are loveable over and over. If you are like I was I had built an invisible shell around my soul, my personal space. Very impenetrable. Only the nastiest of people could come anywhere near. Well a new female relative on my husband's side managed. She is very intimidating and a bully.

It has taken 6 years to get where I am now after other traumas occurring. I still cannot get my head around the fact that I am affected by so much violence. I am such a passive person. It is almost as though I have a neon sign across my forehead over here over here I am passive, easy picking for bullying. Now this is putting myself down, this statement emerges from very low self-esteem. That is exactly how I felt for so long regardless of the fact that different people were telling me the exact opposite.

So when I write that I am starting to take my own advice, I do not do that easily. I have to rewire my thought process that has been telling me for so long that I have no self-esteem low or high.

This is not as easy as it sounds. For me the turning point is finally feeling my own inner strength that others recognise in me. In doing this I am using this strength to take one step forward again because I have so much determination, persistence, purpose and fight in me that NOONE is ever going to hurt me in that way again. I have so much to be strong for. I have my family, my real family, my 2 sons whom having struggled themselves are also finding and rebuilding their own self esteem. I have my twin sister also doing the same. I have my mum getting through each day now. Lastly I have my husband, whom stands by me through each trauma. He does not always give the best response, react in the way I would like but he is still here, loving me and trying very hard to exist in my mad world even though he doesnt understand.

Look at the people in your life who matter and if you cant do it for yourself do it for them. Be the strength and love that you provide for them. Life can change so dramatically in one phone call.

Please believe in yourselves and do not give up. I would love to hear that you are all working alongside of me.

I am shaking and crying as I write this. I am strong though. I am pushing through my grief and as hard as it is most days to get up and start again I am doing it.

Please join hands and use one another's strength we can do this.

stay strong stay safe and love yourselves xxxx