Battles

@MissGremlin

It is absolutely fine sweetling 💜

Morning @NightFury my sweet, thought I'd check in with you this morning ❤️.

@MissGremlin you are one of the kindest most caring people that i know. dont ever doubt your worth Dreamy. thank you for including me in your post. love you always bun x

Awww thankyou my sweet @Bunniekins, love you beautiful ❤️

Morning @MissGremlin how are feeling this morning?

I read that last night was really hard with a lot of really difficult thoughts.

Before i comment more, i am first curious about whether these thoughts and beliefs are also representative of how you feel/think in general (eg this morning afterwards) or whether they only occur during those deeper spirals and triggering occasions?

Sending you love and care, and am glad you exist, and i personally do not find you any form of a burden.

Morning @MissGremlin I'm feeling very flat this morning. I didn't sleep at all last night, and the heat from yesterday zapped me.

How are things over there?

Morning @AlwaysMyself, I'm still feeling the same and thoughts of SI and SH have been loud since early this morning (I'm safe).

Unfortunately for me those thoughts and feelings are always there but it's the intensity that varies. Lately it's like I'm stuck in a constant spiral with only a brief moment where I'm able to surface for air before being dragged back under into the depths of the darkness.

Thankyou sweet ❤️.

@NightFury oh sweetheart, I'm sorry to hear. The heat is absolutely horrible and takes so much out of me aswell. Do you have anything on today or are you able to get some rest?

Things over here at the moment aren't going well (I'm safe), I'm trying to get myself ready to go to the shops but it's just not happening. I've had little sleep and just feel so drained and defeated.

@NightFury hearing you also. Sending safe hugs if you'd like them. Wondering if there is anything i can do/say/discuss to help inflate you this morning?

(I just remembered that Adam Hills had a comedy show (perofrmance) about inflating. Funny how things trigger a memory like that. It was a good show from memory.)

@MissGremlin i have felt those feelings and thoughts in the past.

And i hope this next bit is refreshingly honest in a good way.

So often we think about how something in us is "broken" or "flawed" because we dont feel the way healthy others do and we have tried so much that is meant to help but hasnt.

Well... maybe at the moment there is a part of us that is broken/flawed.

But you know what? Humans aren't perfect; humans don't need to be perfect. We all have flaws and things about us that don't work as well as we want them to - i guess its just which parts arent working as well, and how much they are impacring us, as well as how much we are willing to be vulnerable and share that with others 🥰🤗. And sharing that vulnerability and honestly i see as a positive thing, not a burden. I wish my friends would share it with me more, because i don't feel i can share mine with them without them also receiving support from me.

So i won't say saying inside you isnt broken or flawed at the moment. But i will say that things can heal, be repaired, and grow. And yeah they may get injured a bit more at times (like our physical bodies getting a flu and being sicker), things can fluctuate over time.

But even if there is a part that is permanently impaired (like physical conditions can be), it doesnt mean there isnt hope for a good life with balance and coping most of the time. It might just need a path of figuring out what adjustments need to be made to support this, to support and compensate for those parts which don't work as well as we would like.

And most importantly...

Having a broken or sick part of you does not make you any less worthwhile, valuable or lovable.

There will unfortunatley always be some people in society that throw away an imperfect thing. But there are also a lot of other people who seek out and want the imperfect things. Whether it is my "odd bunch" carrots or my friends who have lived experience of painful lives, or my physical supports who themselves have other disabilities.. i certainly love the imperfect (or even "partially flawed") things and people in life. I value them. I value you.