Battles

@Bunniekins I've seen psychiatrists before and have reports from them.

@MissGremlin thats good.

Hello @MJG017, how's your day been so far?

Did you manage to get a decent sleep or did that worry start to creep in at some silly hour?

@MissGremlin

My day has been quiet as usual. I have a long week... assessment days for my course on Tuesday and Wednesday, which mean up early to get to Hindmarsh both mornings! Then oncology appt on Thursday morning (dreading that!) and then the support group that evening. Then heading off to WA for a week. I am supposed to go to a different support group on Wednesday night to check out their guest speaker to see if he would be a good guest for us to have. Oh, and I have to go down to Flinders tomorrow to pick up my drugs from the pharmacy!

My night was okay, the usual period or two struggling with thoughts, but it's normal these days. I'm assume it was better than your night from what I read. I'm sorry to hear it was another tough one, and that you could get a break from everything. Other than here of course. Life can be so unnecessarily difficult! 😩 At least we can find some compassion and support here. Every little bit helps.

@MJG017 busy week ahead for you. Can imagine you would be dreading the oncology appointment. Really hope the week goes quickly and as smoothly as possible for you. Hope the trip to WA is good, will be good to get a break from everything that's happening here.

My nights are just getting harder but it's this current moment where I seem to be struggling the most. Thoughts are too intense and I'm right on the edge of acting on them. Trying hard to keep myself from doing so but I'm exhausted and tired of fighting myself.

@MissGremlin

Yes, i'm looking forward to getting this week over with and heading over to WA. I think it will be a really good distraction to get my mind of things for a little bit. After the appointment on Thursday, i may need it more then ever.

It must be so hard with the thoughts and so exhausting having to fight them all the time. It's hard to imagine from the outside how tough it must be for you. I know it's probably a big risk at this stage with what's happened in the past, but some of the people you've chatted to on these crisis lines have been quite good, so maybe try to keep that in mind if things feel like they're getting too much. I do understand the hesitance though.

@MJG017 I'm glad you have that trip to look forward to. Just know that I'm here if you need to chat at anytime 😊.

Yeah I'm not sure it's a risk I'm prepared to take, knowing how fragile i am right now. If I reached out and had a bad experience it would throw me off the deep end. Like everything is right on the edge about to bubble over, honestly not even sure how to describe exactly how it feels. But I just know that it's getting harder to stay safe and that's scary.

@MJG017 chats to a crisis service desperate for help 'here why don't you go chat to these people'. Explains why said service they have suggested won't talk to me 'oh I'm sorry to hear that, I'm not sure we can help you'. Really what the hell is wrong with me that noone can help me.

Can you share what 'help' looks like for you @MissGremlin ?

Just say, you were working on a phonen line and someone presented that same way as you do. What would a healthy conversation consist of?

@MissGremlin

I know it's hard and it's scary. When I feel like i'm so close to giving up, I look to the person who gives me strength to keep going. The person who, if not for them, may have given up already. I think of them and take strength from them to keep me going. You've fought so long and so hard, there must some something, or someone that has kept you going. So block out everything else on focus on that, or them, and let that guide you through the darkest moments. Sometimes fighting for ourselves isn't enough, and we fight on for someone else instead.

@tyme

Obviously I can't say what the healthy conversation from Dreamy's point of view is, but from mine, it's just someone to listen and to care, and to be there with me in that moment. In the most difficult and darkest of times, and knowing there is nothing anyone can say, or do, to help... that's what matters to me. It sounds simple, but it can be damn hard to find, especially when you're struggling so much.