Hello @Jynx, yes I made the decision to hand her back, it was incredibly hard but right now I just need Casper. Thankyou for those hugs, they are very much needed, especially the extra squishy kind.
My week has been really hard, I'm headed downhill and rapidly. There's a combination of things all happening at once, there's seeing things happening to me, hearing voices telling me to do things, the panic attacks that hit out of nowhere, the nightmares that feel so real, the thoughts that are so strong and loud and the urges that hit with such intensity that I have to fight with every inch of what little strength I have left. That's just the things that are physically happening within my mind and body. Then there's the things happening with trying to get help and being let down, how I'm losing people around me for various reasons, things I need to do etc. I just find myself questioning why I'm still here, what am living for, how much longer can i keep fighting. I'm not living for myself cos i don't feel i have purpose or reason and I certainly don't feel like i belong anywhere. It hurts, everything hurts, I'm exhausted in every possible way, I'm tired of just existing. (I'm safe).
Anyway it's a typical night here, I've got my music playing, an iced coffee with me, Casper by my side and my drawing/colouring in front of me.
How's your week been?
