Battles

@NightFury hehe he's honestly the most gentle soul.

Oh, I see! That sounds like such a laborious process for you... but I can see there will be big wins if you can obtain this report. 🤞 @MissGremlin

I am so glad to hear you are reaching out to a service that can help keep you safe. Is keeping connected here helping too?

I am also glad Casper is with you. Have you continued to explore your drawing? 💛

@AuntGlow unfortunately if I can get this report I have to go through the whole application process again for NDIS, it took such a toll on me last time and right now I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it again.

Yes keeping connected here is helping me aswell.

I've started my drawing activity, just taking it slowly.

Hmm, when was the last time you saw your good friend? I am wondering if they may be able to help you with it? @MissGremlin

I am glad, we are happy to have you here. 🥰

Can I see your progress? 🤩

@AuntGlow i don't have anyone now 😞. Everything has really fallen apart for me which is why I'm struggling so much.

Awww thankyou ❤️.

Haha at the moment it's just a few lines, I'll post a pic of the progress if I can do a bit more.

Right now I'm just focused on calming down, I don't like when things feel like they are going to bubble over the edge. Earlier before I reached out to the crisis service I was in a really bad space and very close to the edge of losing control, I was fighting so hard to maintain my safety hence why i reached out. I'm feeling slightly less on that edge now but things feel like there sitting just below that threshold so I'm working to bring them down a bit more so that things don't feel as intense (I'm safe for now). So I've got Casper here, my music is playing, I've got my drawing and I'm keeping connected here.

Aw, lovely. This makes a lot of sense... I am so sorry, I can't even imagine how hard this must feel.

Know that I am sitting with you in this feeling. @MissGremlin

You are doing all the best things to help keep yourself feeling grounded and safe. Please keep exploring these strategies and know that you always have support lines you can call if it becomes too much.

I will chat to you again on Thursday. 🫶

Thankyou @AuntGlow for all the support. I hope you have a lovely night and the next few days. Keep being the amazing you that you are ❤️.

It's 3.22am and I'm still yet to sleep, things feel so heavy and my thoughts are so loud. So here's my attempt at getting things out. Please know that I'm safe for now and trying to keep it that way.

Trigger warning

So many things racing through my head, the voices say they want me dead.

How do I focus when it's all so loud?

it's so noisy like I'm in a busy crowd.

I'm caught in a spiral with no way out, every part of me is filled with doubt.

I beg and plead for it all to stop,

but I feel it start to bubble over the top.

Here we go again with the fight,

the one that occurs during the the night.

A battle once more to keep myself alive,

will there come a day where I thrive?

How do you fight what others can't see, why is this all happening to me?

They don't understand just how I feel, when I have to question what is real.

All I wanted was to have some peace,

to just be able to make things cease.

My brain it really starts to rattle,

I feel like I'm losing this battle.

It's all inside building up so much,

things around me, I'm scared to touch.

I don't know how long I'll keep trying,

cos inside I feel like I'm dying.

Hey @MissGremlin

Thank you for sharing this and trying to get some of these hard thoughts and feelings out. The community is here with you, don't forget the crisis lines that can be there for you too.

Glad to see you are connected here and staying safe!

Oh @MissGremlin I can feel your pain through the poem! I wish things were different for you but most of all I hope you know that you're not alone, even though it's hard to find someone at 3.30 am! I hope you've gotten some more sleep this morning. It may be back in the 70's and 80's for me but I understand the feelings. I ended up in a psych hospital for a few months. Wishing you a peaceful day with tiny glimmers of hope! 💜