Battles

Hello @rav3n, I am doing my best. At the moment my focus is just trying to make it to my doctors appointment tomorrow.

I know I'm not alone in these feelings and I'm hoping that one day things might be different. It's definitely something I want to try and explore further.

Thankyou ❤️.

I'm going to tap out for a bit (I'm safe), feeling a mixture of things and I'm angry at myself knowing that by sharing I've upset people which was never my intention. Part of me just wants to remove the post but doing that won't change that it's already been read and the effects it's had.

no worries at all @MissGremlin!

you haven't done anything wrong in sharing. you posted within guidelines and you took a lot of care with your words. unfortunately certain topics might be heavier for some than others (and in a community space it can be tricky to manage that) but pls know that it's not your fault. the best we can do is take care of ourselves and step back when we need (which this community here is amazing at doing!)

if you or anyone else following along needs further support/has any questions, feel free to reach out 💙

@MissGremlin, as @rav3n has said, you have done nothing wrong. Please, please don’t feel angry with yourself with concerns your post has triggered anyone in the community.

I know it’s far from easy, putting oneself first is number one priority though. You are a very important, special, caring person.

You are not alone when it comes to those dark thoughts. Thing to remember is you are stronger than those thoughts. You didn’t give in. You fought them and came out victorious.

hoping all goes well at doctors appointment and that he/she supports you plus refers. Maybe script for something to help you sleep??

@MissGremlin

Your sharing is raw and honest! Nothing wrong with that! @MissGremlin 💛

Thankyou @rav3n ❤️.

Thankyou @Flutterbug9 ❤️.

I hope you are doing ok.

Unfortunately we have tried alot of different medications and either they don't work or i have severe side reactions to them. Will just have to see how the appointment goes.

Thankyou @heartathome ❤️.

I’m ok @MissGremlin. Was initial shock plus reminder of where I’ve been in the past. SI and I are not strangers

Hi @MissGremlin , just got home from my appointment and outing this afternoon - hence the delay in response.

I really value and am honoured that you trust me and your strength in sharing more about the fuller context and how it is affecting you. I'm really glad you did, and I'm grateful you didn't delete it before I got to read it.

I think you worded it really well, and for me it is not triggering. It melts my heart in a caring way, that I wish I could sit with you and give you a hug. I wish I could say something to comfort you, but I'm really not sure what (I have the same problem with myself when I am in such a dark place also).

I, personally, am glad you realised what you were doing and reached out to a crisis line the other week. It's a bit selfish of me, I know, to be glad because I like knowing you here - I recognise that is a "me" reason and not a "for yourself" reason. I do hope you (and me) will be able to find a reason that makes us want to stay alive - I invite you to walk this journey with me other the upcoming year.

I knew of your niece's passing being a trigger for you, but I did not know that you had plans. Wow, I am so glad you were asked to help on Sunday - a small miracle that I am grateful for. And I'm glad you were able to use it to hold on a few days more. I often set myself "goal post" events to hold onto, to reach & then reevaluate. I wonder what your next goal-post/focus can be? Perhaps finishing the Gremlin with @NightFury ?

I don't know how to come back from being physically, mentally and emotionally ready to not be here. How do I find joy in things, how do I move past this?

Sitting with you in this. As @rav3n said, I can relate to this a lot - both sentences, actually. It's the reason for my anhedonia thread; I've committed to giving it 12 months to improve. I also feel that sense of limbo, even with a 12-month commitment to living. The mixed feelings between "wanting to improve" and actually not wanting to even wait and try 12 months. (Don't worry - I'm also safe. When I make a promise, I keep a promise with every ability I can, and this is a thing that is entirely within my control/actions to ensure). I only say this to reflect to you how I have also responded to the sense of 'limbo' when being mentally and emotionally ready.

Can we walk this path together the upcoming months?

It's OK if we don't feel enjoyment; hopefully we can reduce the negative though - that is my aim initially. "Step 1".

Is that something that you would be interested in? (As always, it's ok to say no)