Battles

Good evening @MissGremlin 💛

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

What happened with your niece is no small thing... and it makes a lot of sense that you would have some big and complex emotions come up in response. I can only imagine how much your mind must be needing to make sense of this loss, to process, and to feel in control of something so painful.
But I want you to know that when you say, "I want so desperately to feel happiness, to feel that I have a purpose in life ", I can see your heart really wants to be here, to connect, to feel safe and seen - and it is absolutely possible for you to have this again. I know things feel incredibly heightened and vulnerable right now, but I also know that you have everything within you to heal. You show up with immense courage every day, you've created a beautiful community of people here who appreciate you for who you are, and you show so much care and nurturing in return. And in this, you are purposeful.

I understand this may not land right now, and that's okay. But I want you to know we are all here, we are are on your side, and you deserve to feel light about life again.

Let's work together to get you through this more challenging time. @MissGremlin

@AlwaysMyself @Flutterbug9 @heartathome @NightFury 💛

@MissGremlin I am very glad you have not acted on the plan. You have not said anything wrong at all and to be honest I am really really grateful you’ve told us here. I’m particularly grateful you told me.

I don’t know how to do the trigger drop menu thing but I’d like to give a trigger warning. I’m about to discuss dying by suicide. This may distress people.

My mum died by suicide in 2017. I know how it feels to lose someone you love in this way. In my experience it is the worst way to lose a loved one. I’ll never ever get over it, all I can do is learn to live with it. Time is helping me learn to live with it.

Your niece at age 17 dying by suicide is completely and utterly tragic. Dreamy it should not have been you and I wish so much that it wasn’t your niece as well. You are so precious just like your niece was precious. You have Caspar to live for, you have your friend who supported you because they love you to live for and you have me and people here to live for. There are going to be such beautiful loving times ahead for you and you have that to live for. I know you want all the pain to go away. That you want to feel joy. This will happen because you’re going to stay alive.

When someone we love dies by suicide and we are already unwell the feelings of acting become intense. I also have mostly passive SI but sometimes active SI. I have these because I just want the pain and darkness to go away to get relief. But I also know that the darkness will go and that I will get better and that good things are coming my way and I don’t want to miss those good things.

We are going to get through this together with Caspar and Wilbur and support from the doctors and the friend that cares Including your friends here. You can talk to me about how you feel and it will not cause me distress. I wish my mum had reached out to me but she hid it so well. So please know you can talk openly to me here.

Tomorrow be honest with your GP. Then if you want to tag me and let me know how things went please do it.

I beg you not to give up. I absolutely am certain things will get better it is going to take some time as you are also grieving a horrendous loss.

I wish I could have my details passed onto you. I really do.

How are you tonight? Are you safe? I am so grateful that you are here Dreamy. I love you. 🫶

This was beautifully worded, I couldn't agree more. @Cuddlebear. 💖

I am so sorry to hear about your loss... sending a big hug your way. We appreciate you so much.

@Cuddlebear @AuntGlow @AlwaysMyself @NightFury @rav3n

I appreciate everyone's responses and I've read them, i can't comprehend anything right now let alone try to reply as much as I want to. I feel so guilty for not being able to, like I shared what's going on and got so much support from people that care so much and i can't even give them a response right now. I'm truly sorry to everyone.

I'm spiralling so much at the moment and right now here is not the place for me to be. I have tears and dark thoughts and I'm just struggling to keep fighting. Don't worry I'm safe for the moment and I'll reach out if I need to.

I love you all and I appreciate every single one of you. I'm going to cuddle with Casper and do a bit of my colouring. Just hoping these feelings and thoughts pass so I can fall asleep.

@AuntGlow @rav3n I'm not sure if it's ok to ask for someone to just check in tomorrow please? It's ok and I understand if it's not possible.

It is completely understandable to feel overwhelmed with lots of support, and it's more than okay to take this time for you. I am glad you have a plan for this evening and that you will reach out if you notice things start to shift, this is very reassuring. Please don't apologise! You are allowed to feel all that you are feeling. We will absolutely check-in tomorrow. @MissGremlin 🥰

I'm glad you are putting your needs first @MissGremlin . No need to reply.

Have you ever heard of the "Alternatives to Suicide" peer-support groups?

There are a few that run online on different days around Australia. You can join any of them, even if not in the state they're based in.

Just mentioning in case this would be a hekpful support. You don't need to pre-register or anything. Its "walk-in" i guess. 100% anonymous if you dont want to use your name or videocam.

https://alt2su-nsw.net/support-groups/

https://discharged.asn.au/calendar

https://www.lelan.org.au/alt2su-groups/

@MissGremlin I’m more than happy to check in with you tomorrow morning, if that’s ok with you

when I was 9yo my dads younger brother and ntly sibling took his life. As a child I never understood what had happened and no one told me anything. As an adult I have my days where I miss him and tears flow. As an adult I have my cherished memories of times spent together.

I have used this services and found them really helpful.

someone to talk with any time, day or night.

apologies in advance if you already have their details.

https://www.lifeline.org.au/131114?q=131114/

hoping you have a restful night filled with cuddles with Casper

@AuntGlow @rav3n

Hi @MissGremlin, dropping in to see how you and Casper are going today. 💜

@AuntGlow @rav3n @AlwaysMyself @Cuddlebear

@Flutterbug9 @MissGremlin Hello beautiful. Dropping in to see how you are doing today. Thinking of you. Xx

hey @MissGremlin popping in to check-in as well, hope things a lil lighter today? the community is here for you, whenever you are ready. there's no pressure to respond, take your time 💗