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Hi all, does anyone else just feel like life is just one big sh!t show? It's just one thing after another, constant drama, family issues, money struggles, stress, anxiety it's just always something.
When do things get easier, do things ever change?
I've been through more than i care to think about in my life but today has pushed me to breaking point and it's bringing up alot of bad memories of previous suicide attempts.
I just feel like it's not worth it, it's not worth fighting, not worth hanging on anymore.
Thankyou @AlwaysMyself, I really appreciate your offer and willingness to help. It's definitely something that I'm open to but I'll see if I can word things myself first. I'm still not 100% sure if I want to share it either so we'll see how it goes.
In response to: Re: Battles
MissGremlinSenior Contributor
Re: Battles
@Flutterbug9 tagging you here, I'm in the process of typing things out but it's a bit of a long process.
So there's a few things that are weighing pretty heavily on me and I'm hoping I can share them here. Please if any trigger warnings need to be added do so and if anything needs to be edited let me know, I'm doing my best to keep things within the guidelines and i don't want to get in trouble but my emotions are a bit all over the place at the moment. Also know before reading this that I'm safe.
So as most of you know on Thursday the 11th December i found out that my niece who was 17 took her own life on the 9th December, the news hit me hard and I'm still in that stage of denial and not wanting to accept that it's real. Something that I've struggled to sit with is that earlier on the 11th before I found out I wasn't in a great space and sort of made an attempt myself. I had a moment where everything became too much and I acted without thinking but soon realised what I was doing and reached out to a crisis service for support. After hearing about my niece later that night I was hit with the thoughts of it should have been me not her. She didn't deserve this, she should have had her whole life ahead of her. She tried to reach out for help just days before to a mental health service but was told there was no appointments available for her.
I was already struggling with my MH before any of this but after finding out I started spiralling. I was living second by second and I was just trying to focus on finding something to get me through the next bit of time or to the next day, simple things like wanting to wish a happy birthday to someone, it was all I had to focus on just trying to get through. But then after Friday just gone I had nothing, I couldn't find anything to focus on so in my head I'd decided that Saturday I was going to act on my plan. Well Saturday evening I was asked if I'd like to help with the Sunday chat and I said yes, it was something to focus on and it was enough to get me through the majority of the day. Things started crashing down Sunday evening when things went quiet, it hit me that I wasn't supposed to still be here. I reached out to a friend who really helped, they let me share what was coming up for me and offered support but then distracted me from things and helped me get through the rest of the evening.
This brings me to today where I'm feeling in limbo, I have no plans cos I hadn't planned on still being here. I just kind of feel like I'm existing without a purpose without a future in sight. I have my doctors appointment tomorrow morning to make a mental health care plan and I'll share what's been going on aswell. But I'm just not sure where to go from here at the moment. I don't know how to come back from being physically, mentally and emotionally ready to not be here. How do I find joy in things, how do I move past this?
I want so desperately to feel happiness, to feel that I have a purpose in life but it's something I struggle so much with. Even when I do my crafts, it's not for pleasure but more just a distraction to try to keep the thoughts at bay.
In response to: Re: Battles
MissGremlinSenior Contributor
Re: Battles
Thankyou @NightFury❤️
In response to: Re: Battles
Flutterbug9Senior Contributor
Re: Battles
@MissGremlin Sending you lots of hugs and my love 🫂🫂❤️🩹❤️🩹. I can hear it has not been easy for you to share this. So proud of you for choosing to share and reach out.
Your words have hit close to home for me. (Please don’t feel you have said or done anything wrong).
Going out to clear my head before replying to you.
please know you are not alone. xx
In response to: Re: Battles
MissGremlinSenior Contributor
Re: Battles
Thankyou @Flutterbug9❤️.
I'm sorry, I know it's a really triggering post.
Sitting with you sweet, know that you're not alone also ❤️
In response to: Re: Battles
NightFurySenior Contributor
Re: Battles
Thank you for sharing, my friend. It shows a great amount of courage to share where at with us @MissGremlin
Sitting with you.
I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and you get the support that you need because you absolutely deserve it.
In response to: Re: Battles
MissGremlinSenior Contributor
Re: Battles
Thankyou @NightFury my sweet ❤️.
In response to: Re: Battles
rav3nSenior Contributor
Re: Battles
hey @MissGremlin
firstly, thank you for sharing. hearing about your niece while also managing your own mental health must've been incredibly overwhelming. it's understandable that you'd feel that 'limbo', and at the same time, i can see that you're working so hard to stay safe and get support - that takes a lot of strength!!
i know that @AlwaysMyself has also talked about the difficulty around finding purpose and joy in things. you're definitely not alone, and hopefully we can keep exploring this area (if you think it'll be helpful) 😊
sending you big, gentle hugs. we're here for you 💗
p.s. i've added in the spoiler tag, hope that's okay 😊
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