Battles

@NightFury it's an awesome present and it really shows how much you mean to your students too. You're an amazing person sweet ❤️.

Haha oh that dog pressing the car horn would have been funny. I love to hear these little glimmers of your day today ☺️.

Mine is that I had tongs out earlier today and I snapped them at Casper which sent him into play mode and he started doing zoomies around the house 😂.

I love it when dogs do zoomies @MissGremlin Luna has never really been a zoomy dog. She's pretty laid back and nonchalant.

They are my glimmers for today and I'm thankful for both moments that made me laugh, because it's been a mentally tough day for me. My anxiety has been terrible, especially this morning. I just wanted to physically curl up in a ball.

@AuntGlow my appointment was mostly spent with me being in tears. She asked me how I was going and my first response was 'do you really want to open that can of worms', I held back on alot of things cos an hour just isn't long enough to get through everything without leaving me a complete wreck. The things we talked about were hard and deeply upsetting, I'm not coping and I know i need help but she knows the barriers to me getting that help, like I can't just check myself into hospital to get immediate support as much as I wish I could cos God knows I really need it. The worst part was at the end of the call when she told me that she was going to be away for a while so my next appointment isn't until the 9th January which honestly feels like a lifetime away right now. I'd say that I'm living day by day but right now it really is second by second with some feeling almost impossible to get through. I just want things to get easier, for things to not feel so heavy, to not cry for a while cos crying is scary for me. Those dark thoughts are constantly there for me, it's just the intensity of them that varies. It's exhausting and it's like having to fight a constant battle with myself, inside my own head. I'm safe and I'm doing all i can to just keep pushing through, when things get bad i do reach out to lifeline to talk.

@AlwaysMyself

@NightFury oh Casper loves doing zoomies. My other dogs would do them occasionally but for Casper it's an everyday occurrence and multiple times a day 😂.

I'm really glad to got those moments to laugh. I'm sorry it's been a mentally tough day. I hear you with the anxiety, I've been so anxious all day and I've spent most of it in bed.

Sending you hugs beautiful, I'm here for you ❤️

Hugs @MissGremlin

Casper is a young-un, probably with plenty of energy and a cheeky personality. I love that he does zoomies and makes you laugh.

Thankyou @NightFury my sweet ❤️.

He's definitely cheeky, he's been snuggled up with me for most of the day.

Ahh that looks like a great colouring book @NightFury loving it! Reminds me of Mustang's calendar lol.

@MissGremlin does your current colour book(s) have a theme? What picture theme is your current diamond art of? 😊

Sorry to hear you've felt out of sorts today @MissGremlin. Do let me know if that is something you'd like to chat about - but I am always careful not to pry or pressure as I know many people don't want to or have specific people they are comfortable or find helpful and that is 10000% fine. But my ear and keyboard is always open (you too @NightFury ).

Hello @AlwaysMyself, I have so many different colouring books. They range from kids ones, to complex mandalas and then there's the adult ones. A real mixture of all sorts. I've been doing mini diamond art ones, they are little animals.

I'll tag you in the above post. It just explains a little rather than me repeating it all.

oh gosh @MissGremlin i'm so sorry that going to the hospital isn't an option. wish there was a way to get you that support while also ensuring your pets are looked after. i'm glad you've been talking to your counsellor and community though!!

i also just read how you won't have another appt till jan - will you have anyone else to lean on until then? when you're pushing on second to second, i can hear how a few weeks can feel too long.

i know you're doing your best 💙

hiya @NightFury!! how are you going? that colouring book title brought a smile to my face too hehe, such a cool gift.

@rav3n i wish there was a way aswell, I have looked into care options but Casper also stresses when he's not with me so I'm mindful of that.

I don't have anyone else to lean on at all so it's incredibly hard at the moment. I crave connection with people but I also know that I'm too much for others and that's been proven so much recently when the few people I did have just up and left without a trace. It hurts like hell, I see people when I go out talking and laughing with their friends and tears build up in my eyes, I want that so badly myself but I know its not going to happen.