Battles

@Cuddlebear my sweet, i will try to reply later. I tried but I just started crying. I love you my friend, thankyou for being here for me ❤️

@MissGremlin so sorry to hear about the loss of friend/family member.

sending lots of hugs 🫂 🫂

here for you any time you want, my friend

Thankyou so much @Flutterbug9 my sweet, it means alot ❤️

Definitely no pressure for you to be responsive or present right now @MissGremlin - you prioritise you, as best you can ok? Especially while it's all so raw 🥺

@Jynx I'm trying, i really am. I'm here and I'm present but my replies are only very brief at the moment. I'm trying to work on some mini diamond art to keep myself distracted.

my dear, take as much time as you need.

tears are natures way of helping heal.

dont be worried about wanting and needing to cry @MissGremlin

no need to reply. Only letting you know I’m here

🤗🤗

Oh @Flutterbug9, that was beautiful to read. Thankyou so much for sharing and for being here ❤️

@Jynx firstly know that I'm safe for now and I'm constantly assessing things to maintain my safety.

I'm feeling really disconnected right now. I'm having dark thoughts and urges that I'm fighting to not give in to. It's one of those nights where I'm feeling scared to sleep cos I feel like i won't wake up again. Breathing is hard as it's like no matter how much of a deep breath i take it's like my lungs don't fill up with enough air (i know it's just my anxiety but it's scary).

TW: Suicide ideation

I've gotten myself into bed even though I was only out of it for a few hours today. I'm about to pick a new picture to start colouring and I have an audiobook playing. I'm trying so hard to work on distractions in the hope it helps to even just get through the night.

@MissGremlin added TW for you 😉

Sometimes it can help to bring it back to basics - like if breathing is a struggle, could you look for a guided breathing exercise on youtube or something? Or I found this gif, hopefully it works and is animated when I post it.

Also can help to check in with your basic needs - hydration, food, sleep, movement, and whether you're lacking in any - they always compound negative feelings for me but when my brain is in survival mode they're very easy to forget.

I can hear that even though it's really challenging, you're still finding those glimmers, those things to keep you going. Do any of your supports know that things have been getting this heavy for you?

I'm sorry there's so much pain, but I hope you can hold onto how much light, warmth, and kindness you bring to this space. The world is better with you in it 💜

I hope the distractions are plentiful - and please do reach out to your preferred crisis supports if things get really intense - sometimes even just getting us through one more hour is all we need, and they can help with that.

You're not alone hun

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

Thankyou for adding the trigger warning @Jynx, not sure it's even possible to do from my phone.

I struggle with breathing exercises but I do still try them. I often bring myself back to doing the 3,3,3 one that's posted in the morning check in and I sometimes find that helpful. The gif did work and i have it a go but getting a deep breath in just isn't happening.

I had something to eat this morning and I've still been drinking throughout the day. Sleep has been almost non existent lately but I try to at least rest even if i can't sleep.

I don't even have any supports at the moment which is making things harder and with my gp being away for 2 weeks i can't even reach out to him if I needed to.

Thankyou for the kind words, I love when I can bring things to this space and make people smile and offer support. But when I'm struggling I feel like I'm a burden coming here to seek support myself, like I want to give more then I take if that makes sense.

I started to do my colouring but connected with a service that I do every night but I've just been told that things are about to change and I'll no longer be able to connect every night, rather maybe just 2 nights a week. That's such a big change and right now I just can't cope with any change.