Battles

@MissGremlin I don't know. A little better maybe, a little more functional.

I've just woken up, I slept for maybe 45 minutes. I think I went into shut down for a bit and I think sleep helped.

How are you?

@NightFury a little more functional is good, we'll take it.

I'm glad you got a bit of a sleep. Sounds like your body really needed it and I'm glad it seems to have helped even if it's only a bit.

I'm struggling, trying hard to focus on my colouring and watching my TV shows but my thoughts tonight are dark and I feel it's going to make for a long and rough night.

@MissGremlin a little more functional and a little more sleep is good. I don't like it when I feel like that. It's heavy.

Oh Dreamy, I'm sorry to hear that things are tough and that you're afraid it's going to be a rough night. Reach out for supports if you need.

@NightFury yeah it's not a nice feeling at all. How did the excursion go today?

Yeah I will try to. Just feel like I've really failed myself today.

@MissGremlin the excursion went well. The kids had fun. We did an amazing race type thing around an old country town here. They had to solve riddles to find a location and get a clue. Then took them to the pool for a couple of hours. We had some really amazing teacher moments.

Dreamy, I really struggled today though, in a way that was so much more intense. I didn't think it was possible for my anxiety to ramp up even more, but apparently I was wrong.

@NightFury I'm glad the excursion went well, sounds like such a good day and some great memories made.

I get that feeling, the one where you don't think it's possible for things to be or feel worse but then it happens. It's horrible. It's been my days and nights lately, just when I think my thoughts and urges can't get worse, they prove me wrong.

I really think it's to be expected for you given how hard it was for you to make and keep that appointment today. But I think given time your body and mind will settle now that the initial hard part has been done. Yes there's more things coming but we will tackle them when they happen. For now just try to rest and be gentle with yourself. We are all here right alongside you as you go through this journey ❤️

@MissGremlin there's a sense of relief too, that needs processing. Like...I'm relieved that someone listened and it's not something that I'm making up for attention. I have this programming, my Mum telling me as a child..."you're just doing it for attention," regarding my anxiety and...and that's hard to overcome. But I think, I'm relieved that I'm actually not, and it is actually a real, validated challenge for me.

@NightFury oh I understand that. I've also been told by my mother and ex partners that I'm making things up and doing things for attention. It's horrible to be made to feel that your feelings aren't validated. I'm really glad this gp listened to you today and it sounds like they are supportive.

@MissGremlin it's just a lot to process.

I'm going to try and get some more sleep, but take care of you tonight, my friend.

@NightFury it's definitely alot to process.

I hope you can get a good night's sleep. I'll do my best to take care of myself even though I really don't feel I deserve it tonight.

Chat to you tomorrow sweet ❤️