Battles

Hello @MissGremlin, I just started! How are you feeling at the moment? 💛

Hi @AuntGlow , really not good.

How are you?

It sounds like things are a lot right now... I am sorry to hear that, I am with you though, okay?

Where are you atm and what are you doing? ☺️ @MissGremlin

@AuntGlow ok.

I'm home and I can't say what I'm doing currently on the forums.

I'm contemplating my next steps as to what I should be doing to help myself but that comes with a hell of alot of doubts and self questioning. Feeling really stuck right now.

Sorry @RiverSeal, I missed this post. I'm still struggling just really trying my hardest to keep my head above water.

@MJG017 sorry, I wasn't ignoring you. Just have had to read this so many times to try to even process any of it.

That's exactly the thing, people ask me what i did to get out of this place before and I can't answer cos I simply don't know. But I do know that even when things have been bad before they haven't been as bad as they are now.

For me there is no positive voice, anything positive that i say is fake basically, it's not something that I can physically allow myself to believe. I want to be able to get to that point where i can actually find positives but I'm not even sure how to. I have my next phone call tomorrow with the counsellor so that's going to certainly be an interesting one given the current situation, and then later in the afternoon I have a doctors appointment. Really just hoping some things can be put in place to start helping me get through this.

I encourage you to stay connected with the community throughout the day, as we can see you doing. Don't hesitate to reach out to crisis supports if you need more support than the community can provide. Have you worked on your artwork today @MissGremlin? RiverSeal

@RiverSeal I'm doing a combination of both. So staying connected here when I'm sitting in the safer zone and reaching out to crisis services when things are too far out of control. It's exhausting switching from the 2 so often and the intensity is on a whole different level than I've ever dealt with before. My focus at the moment is just getting through to my doctors appointment tomorrow, that's my goal and I know it might seem small or insignificant but it's the only thing I've got to work towards.

Keep that doctor's appointment in mind @MissGremlin and work towards it! Do the recovery-oriented things you need to do to get through until then. Well done ✔️ RiverSeal

@MissGremlin

It's okay to not hear that positive voice. I never heard it for most of my life. But I found people who acted as that voice. Then, slowly, I started to hear my own, even if very faintly. It still comes and goes, and I'm sure it always will. But it is louder now and has made changes. We just need those external voices as well, to help that internal one grow. If I, and other people here who care about you have to be that external voices for you, then as was done for me, I'll keep doing it for you for as long as you want me to. Just like everyone else here.

I do hope your appointments tomorrow can lead to some more support for you. You deserve it and the hope that will come with that. I guess that's what that little silent voice is... hope. Sometimes we see it, other times we don't. Maybe when we feel hopeless, it's like the wind... we cant see that either but we know it's there because something pushes us onwards.