@MJG017 and that's even hard for me to accept, when I hear people say positive things about/towards me my brain instantly shuts it down, there's a part of me that tries to fight it but that other part is far too strong for me to get past. It's just such a vicious cycle and one i really want to try to change.
The biggest challenge tomorrow is me having to be completely honest with my gp and counsellor. I've become so good at down playing things or just saying the right things to put others fears to rest so they believe I'm safe and ok when in reality I'm really not. I know i need help, I know I should be in hospital at the moment given the way things are, but there's those fears about accepting help and going to hospital scares the hell out of me given past experiences and I also have Casper to look after cos there's noone to take care of him.
Anyway now I just feel like I'm rambling on far too much. But thanks for giving me something to actually focus on.
I'll share something with you that I'm sort of proud of myself for doing. Today I cooked a roast beef for the first time and I've made roast veggies to go with it. I won't say why I've chosen to do this because it puts a negative twist on it which I'm trying to get my head out of thinking. But anyway it's the first time I've done it and it's absolutely delicious.
