@MissGremlin thanks for letting us know you are safe at the moment.
I am so sorry to hear that it is feeling really difficult to keep yourself that way, and that the added distress of the SH is complicating things for you too. Rough, hun, really friggin rough.
Remember that even if it isn't healthy, SH is a form of coping. Trying to just force yourself to stop suddenly is potentially gonna be pretty destabilising. The goal is about replacing the SH with healthier coping tools, not just trying to stop it altogether. I realise you might know this already (but sometimes I need reminders!) but yeah just wondering if you are able to try other coping strats first before you go to SH, that could be helpful.
One weird little thing I've found about brains is that they are kinda self-perpetuating. So like if you're SHing more cos you're more distressed, your brain sees the SH and says 'omg I must be so distressed, I need to cope, so I better SH... oh no now I feel even more distressed' and so on.
So we can spiral down yes, but we can also spiral up! Even if the distress hasn't been resolved, when we reduce the amount we are engaging in behaviours we do when we're distressed (like SHing) we are telling our brains we are okay, maybe more okay than we might feel. If you start forcing yourself to engage in behaviours you know you do when you are feeling calm/safe, it signals your brain that the danger is no longer lurking.
You say things haven't been this bad since a few years ago. What helped you out of that spiral back then, is there anything you could lean on or pull from that experience that could help you now?
