Battles

@MJG017 i can only do hugging with certain people and even then sometimes it's just too much. Glad you are getting more used to it even if it's still awkward as hell, baby steps right?

I've been awake since 6am and I agree that it really should be bedtime already.

Puppy is currently sleeping on my head after wearing himself out getting a mini bin lid stuck on his head and barking and growling at himself in the mirror 😂.

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@MissGremlin wrote:

Puppy is currently sleeping on my head after wearing himself out getting a mini bin lid stuck on his head and barking and growling at himself in the mirror 😂.

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@MissGremlin Yeah, i've been there done that. I dont know how those bin lids gets so stuck. Damned if I could get it off my head. Fortunately my partner got home from work and got it off!

Oh, definitely baby steps. It's weird. Its something so simple that most people seem to really enjoy and find so comforting. It does make you ask yourself "what the hell is wrong with me?!" So many things! 🤣

@MJG017 bahaha oh the mental images 😂.

Yeah it really does make you question what the hell is wrong with me, i ask myself that everyday of my life. I don't have anyone really anymore that i can get cuddles from so now I just stick to having puppy cuddles.

Kind of got the thought that I was hungry but then realised there's nothing to eat 😂.

@MissGremlin

I never felt comfortable with any kind of touching. I even hated haircuts as a little kid. It still feels slightly odd with someone touching my head. It is very weird isn't it? So many issues... 😁

Well, it's certainly hard to have something to eat when there's no food in the house. It just cups of instant noodles and you're sick of instant noodles! Does a neighbour have a fruit tree?

@MJG017 as I kid I was mostly ok with being touched but still it was only by certain people that I felt comfortable with. But growing up and all the trauma I've been through, any sort of physical touch now can trigger me and send me into a panic. It's horrible how many issues trauma causes.

It is definitely hard, actually it's impossible 😂. I don't even eat cups of instant noodles, I had to live on them for a couple of years and now just the thought of them makes me feel sick. Neighbours have fruit trees but not normal fruits and the bats and birds have pretty much demolished them.

@MissGremlin

It's completely understandable to have issues with touching after any sort of trauma like that. I just don't know why I have never liked it. I think it's a trust thing. You know... don't let anyone close, you'll just get hurt kind of thing. I've always been very, very good at not letting anyone too close. It's pretty common with adoptees apparently. I'm just better at it than most 😁

@MJG017 it's definitely a trust thing. I've always had that fear of letting anyone in cos I'll only end up hurt, it's happened way too many times.

I had to do a load of washing so I just hung that out. Thought maybe chores could substitute the hunger 😂. Took puppy out for a play in the backyard so now he has crashed it.

@MissGremlin

Luna is like that. She will play like a wild thing, but then will go and crash. Then I'm bored. 😀

I don't think I was ever hurt from trusting anyone. I just learn very early on that if I had a problem, it was best to keep it to myself. Then add to that that I knew the things I struggked with, especially socially and self-esteem, were things others wouldn't understand. So what choice is there as a kid... you pretend you're happy, learn to keep everything to yourself and avoid people in case they discover the truth.

@MJG017 yes, what are we supposed to do while they are sleeping 😂.

Honestly couldn't have said that all better myself. We get so used to keeping things to ourselves for fear of not being understood or being judged for how we are or how we are feeling.

Crisis lines need to learn to not be so pushy when it comes to asking about traumatic events. Last thing I want to do when I'm in the middle of having a flashback is go into specific details of these events, like I'm trying to get myself through this moment not relive it even more.

@MissGremlin

I really don't understand why the crisis line people would push for details of traumatic events. Surely you ask the person if they would like to talk about it, and if not you leave it alone. It's traumatic! They're a person calling a crisis line! What's not to understand?! I sometimes regret pulling out of the lifeline training at the start of the year.

When I discover the concept of attachment issues last year, it was like a light from above. It made so much sense and explained so much about me. Then is sort of made me angry. In 53 year years, no one had suggested it to me, or guided or helped me?!. I'm no expert only having learnt about it less than a year ago, but it's already so obvious and recognisable in people to me now. All I needed was a little support and understanding when I was young and I think i could have gone on to do anything!