Battles

@Jynx it drives me nuts at times 😂. I can't eat soups or soggy foods, just the thought makes me cringe, if I chew food too much i can't swallow it or I'll end up g*gging. I like crunchy foods and firmer textures which is hard with my jaw issues.

Thankyou sweet ❤️.

I got logged out when I tried to press reply, silly technology 😂

What a catch-22 @MissGremlin must be hard to find the right tasty textures!

The logout issues continue haha. I hope you didn't lose too much - maybe report it to the tech issues form if it's ongoing?

Hope you're doing okay tonight <3

@Jynx it definitely is hard to find the right textures, it's also another reason why I stick to safe foods and don't really change.

Haha they do, it's not too often and I'm smart to copy things before I go out of it now 😂. If it keeps happening I'll report it but it only happens about once a day usually.

I'm panicking tonight, I've got a sleep study to do which requires me to wear 10 wires attached to me, a nasal cannula and an oximeter. The whole process is very daunting and I'm scared to have anything around my neck, I also struggled with the nasal cannula when I was in hospital on oxygen. I'm safe, I've just sat in bed to do some diamond art and I've put the first 3 dots on my forehead to get used to them. Need to take it slowly and do it in stages.

Baby steps is a good way about it @MissGremlin that sounds really overwhelming, even if it's for a good cause. I hope you have some things on hand to help you stay grounded. Keep telling yourself out loud that you're gonna be okay and stuff like that. You got this hun <3

@Jynx it's very overwhelming. I'm trying to remind myself that this might be able to give some answers on why I can't sleep. It's hard cos I can't even use my earbuds as I can't have Bluetooth on so no music, no TV shows. Thankyou sweet ❤️.

I got a question for you. The other day I shared a poem, it got taken down and I got emailed about it. But then today I got emailed again to say they've added a trigger warning and that the post has gone live only it's still not showing up.

Oh no music or TV is extra rough! Remember it's just one night (unless you do more sleep studies in the future I guess) and then it'll be over. Hopefully you don't have a busy day tomorrow!

I looked into it @MissGremlin and oddly enough, the post is visible to me here:

Battles

And there's an option for me to block it (which wouldn't appear if it was still blocked). However I did plug the address into a private browser to see if it was publicly visible and it said 'Something went wrong' on that page, so no idea what might be going on!

I'll forward this on to our tech team, but for now if you like, I can email it to you and you can post it again? Up to you :)

@Jynx it's like losing all my comfort things! I know it's just one night but it's going to be a super long one. I actually do have a few things on tomorrow and my usual early start.

Yes, i can still see it when I'm signed in but off-line it's not visible to others. I've got it saved to my phone so I can share it again but I'm not sure how to do the trigger warning so if I do share it again can I tag you so you can put it on there for me please? I just don't want to get in trouble.

Might be something to do with previously blocked posts being still blocked for the public. I thought you couldn't see it at all and already made the error report, woops!

You can tag me @MissGremlin should be able to do that for you. Does the little eye with a line through symbol not show up on mobile?

@Jynx haha sorry, that's my bad. It doesn't even show up right on my end though the trigger warning isn't hiding anything.

Oh there is a little symbol there, I've never noticed that. Maybe I'll have to play around with it at some stage but not tonight. I'll reshare it now.

I haven't slept, not properly for days,

I close my eyes and fear is all that stays.

The nightmares haunt me every time I rest,

then panic wakes me, pounding in my chest.

I wake up gasping, shaking in my bed,

with terror running through my heart and head.

I try to breathe, but every breath feels wrong,

I dread the dark, I dread the morning too,

I question just how I'm meant to get through.

There's no place inside my mind to hide,

the thoughts are there no matter what I try.

I'm tired of fighting battles no one sees,

I'm tired of begging for my mind to ease.

I feel like I'm losing myself a little each day,

like pieces of who I was are fading away.

I don't know when I stopped feeling like me,

I just know this isn't who I used to be.

Then those thoughts come rushing back again,

I'm so exhausted from constantly delaying.

and sometimes I can't even ask it why.

or another morning feeling like a mistake.

I don't want another panic filled day,

or face another hour spent just trying to stay.

I want one moment where my mind is still,

Not having to keep fighting against my will.

I'm desperate for relief, desperate for rest,

desperate to stop feeling this distressed.

I'm desperate for a break from being me,

I've cried until there's nothing left to cry,

I've stared at ceilings asking myself why.

I've begged my mind to give me just one night,

one night without another endless fight.

I've tried to hold myself together somehow,

but now I simply don't know how.

I'm running on exhaustion, fear, and pain,

and every day it starts all over again.

I feel defeated, I feel completely worn,

I'm so very tired, I'm completely torn.

I feel so broken I don't know what's true,

every part of me is screaming "I'm through."

I don't want these thoughts that dig so deep.

I don't want to fight myself from dusk till dawn,

I don't want to pretend nothing's wrong.

I want somebody to understand the weight,

the kind that makes you scared you're too late.

The kind that makes you desperate just to breathe.

And that's the part I dare not say aloud,

the part I hide from every single crowd.

I'm not asking for attention when I break,

I'm asking for some reason not to escape.

I need somebody to sit with me tonight,

and help me make it through until it's light.

I'm tired of fighting battles I've already fought,

so I admit that right now I need support.

@Jynx