Battles

@AlwaysMyself it's most definitely helpful and I don't think alot of people quite understand what it's like to constantly have those thoughts day in day out even in moments where things are lighter. It's really like a black cloud that's always there, where the sun can't find it's way through. I'm so glad you had that experience with the pdoc, just having that space held in that way would have been such a relief I'd imagine.

When I applied for NDIS previously they first rejected the application saying that I hadn't explored all medications which my doctor challenged as I'm at risk with medications and also there's no medication for BPD which is the main diagnosis for the application. Then they came back with that I hadn't explored all treatment options and mentioned that the last psychiatrist that I'd seen said about DBT and CBT being a recommended treatment, I then went on to engage with a psychologist for 43 sessions where we covered them as i can't do group settings plus the psychological support from her. But not once did she ever mention it within her paperwork and i never got a final report from her which is why I had to go through this service to get a letter but now all I have is the days with which I was engaged with their service, that's all they could give me. I don't have another doctors appointment until the 14th so maybe I'll be able to talk to him about it then but he's not even willing to let me try to apply again at this point cos of how vulnerable I am and that rejection could be enough to tip me over the edge (I'm safe).

It's so hard trying to get support through the public system, actually it's impossible really. I have so many diagnoses that noone knows how to even help me nor are they even willing to.

My friend is alot younger than me (14 years) and she now has her little one, I've been there for her when she's struggled and she was there for me when I had to put my dogs down. But I know she doesn't cope with emotions and I respect that boundary. She knows I'm struggling but doesn't know how to help so just becomes distant and we go months without talking until she needs something basically.

I'm glad there's a few different treatment options available to you and I'm truly hoping that something will help you sweet. You're such a valuable member of this community and a beautiful person ❤️.

100% @MissGremlin 🥰

Connection and to be heard - I think we can do that! Right @AlwaysMyself @NightFury @Captain24? 😉

Casper, coffee, and diamond art sound really grounding. I have a candle glowing with no big lights on, and some lo-fi on, it's so soothing.✨

@AuntGlow I just packed up my diamond art for the night as my eyes are feeling sore and tears have been falling occasionally. Casper just went to have a drink and now he's come back to snuggle up against me, not before standing on me and giving me kisses first 😂.

Oh how I wish I could have candles going, unfortunately the flickering can trigger seizures for me. They are so pretty and relaxing as long as they don't smell too strong. Your space sounds very soothing right now, mines dark and cosy with a slight cool breeze on me from the crack in the ceiling 😂.

@MissGremlin ndis mandating having dbt treatment (which you have!) makes sense in the context of BPD diagnosis, as it is considered the most effective treatment for it. Very annoying the psychologist hasnt mentioned dbt specifically when they were explicitly asked to (within the context of it being done that is). I guess the other reason they may not have asked for more treatment evidence for me is that my Primary diagnosis did end up being for Autism with MH impacts and also secondary physical disability (unsure if they have been accepted or not; could be only the ASD-related things accepted?)

I can relate to thr comment about the GP's concerns about applying at the moment as the risk of a rejection tipping you over the edge. My GP said they'd support me in whatever i choose, but strongly advised caution with any workers comp path/application because of her concern that the stress of it (and the rep of insurers in trying to make it stressful so people withdraw) might tip me over the edge too. Thankfully HR said i don't need to decide now and can revisit the idea in 6mths. Throughout my DSP and NDIS process my docs have been very aware that a rejection of either one would likely seal my future decisions, and that i wouldnt have the heart/care to fight to appeal instead. However for me the risk of *not applying at all* and not having funding for supports would have the same outcome - because for me it wasnt about invalidation/rejection, it was about not having support to make life bearable.

I wonder... if you dont get NDIS (and dont reapply), how does that look/feel for you in the medium term? Can/will you continue to live without it? Or will not applying and thus not getting funding increase your risk too? 🤔

And there is no problem with holding off for now to reduce your current risk triggers, and reconsidering later when you are in a more resilient place for it (like me and the WC situation). Its only a matter of $, which is worth much less than your life is worth. 💜

@AuntGlow candle-lit sounds nice. Sorry to hear you cant do them due to the flickering @MissGremlin 😢. I dont like the smell of candles, but i do like the low-light they create if a place has them setup in a dark room. I dont like baths but sometimes i would put a candle on as the light source if i was having one due to pain.

I prefer the sound of the rain hitting things 😊. Its been on and off rainy here the past week so ive had that a few times if it got heavy enough.

@AlwaysMyself yes it makes sense, it just makes it hard that I have no proof of it. Unfortunately the letter doesn't come from the psychologist as she's no longer with them but they went through her notes, just she never mentioned it nor did she do a final report when we finished up which she was meant to.

I'm really glad you've been able to get both NDIS and DSP as I know how stressful the system for both can be to navigate. I have been on the DSP for many years now but did get refused on the first try but got through when I appealed it.

Honestly not being able to get support really feels like it seals my fate cos I just have no help whatsoever and there's only so much my doctor can do. Things the way they are currently are putting me at a very high risk and I need support, I'm just unable to get it (I'm safe).

I'm the same the smells of candles really affect me, i did have a conversation with jynx ages ago saying they need to make flickerless candles 😂. I love the sound of the rain, the other day there was hail and it was hitting the window and the tin roof, I just laid there listening to it plus the added bonus of the thunder happening.

Hi @MissGremlin ,

Sitting with you this evening <3

If things change safety-wise, please don't hesitate to reach out to Lifeline (13 11 14)

Wishing you a gentle evening, maybe it'll rain!? I too love the sound of rain when I'm cosy inside!

~ @Honeymoon

Hello @Honeymoon, thankyou ❤️.

There's not much rain forecast for me over the next few days but maybe I'll get lucky. I got soaked the other day when it was pouring and i had to jump-start my car, I was a little chilly after but Casper cuddles when we got home made it better.

Hope you've had a lovely day ❤️

@NightFury here's my thread sweet ❤️.

Thank you for tagging me over here @MissGremlin 

Tonight's proving to be a real challenge. I worked up the courage to ring the service I used to connect with, I haven't been able to connect with them since they stopped me from being able to use their chat part. I thought it might help to be able to get things out with everything that's been going on. But not only has it brought up the painful feelings of being cut from their service but it's also really intensified the feelings I've had about everything that's been going on.

I had a huge panic attack earlier when I realised my ambulance cover was due today but then when I tried to pay it, it wouldn't let me so I was freaking out that if I needed an ambulance I'd get a ridiculous fee for having to call one. I eventually managed to call a number and pay it that way as online wouldn't let me but it still scared me to think I was going to be without that cover. I was worried that if it ran out today that I'd get a bill cos of the ambulance that was called on me today even though I didn't even go outside to talk to them.

I'm feeling really unsettled and on edge after the phone call to the service and my thoughts are unbearable to sit with. I still haven't gone to bed as I'm not tired and don't want to be just sitting or laying there not being able to sleep. I'm safe for now, I'm sitting on my lounge watching a movie and snuggling with Casper, I've been trying to do my diamond art but that's been hard to focus on. Just needed to get this out, hoping things will settle, even just a little.