Battles

@MissGremlin

Yeah, I think I just packed too many just in case. When you've had radiation treatment 'down there' in the nether regions, things can get tricky for years afterwards. Probably far too information there 😂

I'm definitely keeping those fingers crossed for you though.

@MJG017 definitely to be expected unfortunately. Never too much information, you'll find nothing phases me 😂.

Hoping all goes to plan but that whole fear of getting my hopes up only to be let down is hard to manage.

I had to keep myself distracted today so I did alot of cleaning, it worked pretty well to keep my mind off of things. But alas night time always seems to bring about those thoughts again.

Also regret my decision on napping earlier cos now I seem to be wide awake 😂

@MissGremlin

Yeah, that why I really try to avoid napping if I can. The last thing I need is being awake more than necessary during the night. The brain just loves to use that time to remind me of all the sh1t going on... ir on the horizon. Like I need reminding. Brain + night + awake = bastard brain!

I totally understand not wanting to allow yourself to get your hopes up for anything. People tell me I keep assuming the worst. The problem is the worst keeps happening, and the only way I can keep dealing with it is to mentally prepare myself for it. It's easy from the outside to say "be positive" when you don't have to live with the negatives.

@MJG017 yeah I don't usually nap but didn't really have a choice today. But it was not even an hour of sleep that I got before waking up with a panic attack. Bastard brain, that just cracks me up but it's so true 😂

Yes I get you, when bad things just keep happening then the best way is to be mentally prepared for the worst case scenario. It actually frustrates me when people tell me to just think positive, I'd like for them to try living a day in my life and then tell me the same thing. The sh!t we have and are going through would break most people but yet here we are still fighting.

Have you got any plans for tomorrow well technically today now 😂

Is there any @moderator around please?

Having a rough night and I'm struggling with some really intense thoughts.

hi @MissGremlin

just sending you an email now to check in 🙂

Thanks @penyourfeels

@Jynx are you around at all? I can't talk right now cos it's not safe to do so. But can you sit with me please?

@MissGremlin parkin' my keister! No talking needed. We can just look at clouds if you want 💜

Thanks @Jynx ❤️. Feeling very vulnerable and fragile right now after that.