Battles

Thankyou @NightFury my sweet ❤️.

Being awake since 3am is tough. I'm sorry you're feeling sensitive today, it's very understandable after the night you had. I'm glad you are taking your day gently, hoping you have a much easier night tonight and that tomorrow is a better day for you. Sending you lots of love and hugs sweetheart ❤️

@MissGremlin I can hear how exhausted and overwhelmed you're feeling, and how it feels never-ending. I'm glad you have this space to continue to share, process feelings, and externalise the thoughts.

I hope the medication helps. And I'm glad the doctor is doing what he can to advocate on your behalf. We all need and deserve to have someone fighting alongside us too. Fingers crossed the psych place responds to you soon 🤞

How's Casper doing? I expect he's a lovely, snuggly and warm companion for you 😊

Hey @NightFury hope you are travelling okay sweet 💜

@Jynx it's really taken so much out of me and very much feels never ending. Having this space means everything, it's having connection and a place to feel heard.

I'm really hoping the medication helps, to be able to sleep without the nightmares would be a huge relief. At the moment I get scared to sleep cos I dread the nightmares and panic attacks. I'm glad my doctor is actively trying to help and get things put in place so that I can have the longer term support that I need. I really need to make a phone call to the psych place but that's a bit too much for me at the moment. I also haven't heard from my support worker so I won't be seeing her again this week, that's the 3rd week in a row now.

Casper is doing well, he's the perfect snuggle buddy, I even get kisses and nibbles 😂.

Hi @Jynx I am travelling...

With varied levels between "okay" and "everything is hard, I'm tired and I hate it."

@MissGremlin that sucks about your SW, hard not to take it personally (but I hope you're still reminding yourself it's not, where you can). I know it's more mental load, but can you contact the coordinators/case management to let them know?

I get you re: the difficulties of making phone calls when you have little-to-no capacity. Sometimes I have to set aside a whole day and try to give myself a deadline - plus a lil treat or something for after! 😅

@NightFury oh rough, is it a long trip, or one you weren't keen on? I hope there are some glimmers/occasions for you to try to be as much in the moment as you can be 🤞

@Jynx they actually do already know as I spoke to one of them last week about it. I'm really wanting to request another worker as this one doesn't seem willing to be flexible with my needs and keeps pressuring me to go out when I'm not comfortable doing so and if I don't then she just cancels.

I just keep finding myself getting so emotional on phone calls and I struggle to control it. Then after I feel so much guilt and shame for crying to some random person. There's 4 phone calls I really need to make, it feels like sooo much.

I'm confused, sorry @Jynx

I'm not literally travelling. You asked how I was travelling and I just said that I was simply travelling...

It doesn't matter. It's okay.

@MissGremlin oh that's so awful hun, how frustrating!!

I get you, I think there's definitely some little t trauma that can occur when we've had enough negative experiences with difficult phone calls, so our brains start to associate the task with negativity and big emotions. Sometimes it can help to say something at the start of the call, like letting the person know that you may start crying and that it's nothing to do with them for example.

You got this!

@NightFury oh woops, had an autism moment!! Ahaha that's my bad for misunderstanding/forgetting what words I used in my initial post.

Anything that you wanna get off your chest?

@Jynx very frustrating.

Yes, there's definitely some trauma around it from the negative experiences and i think it's also that I've had to go through and explain things to people so much but then to just be dismissed and let down, it really hurts. I get sick of having to tell my story, saying how bad things are, talking about the thoughts/urges, being so vulnerable to a complete stranger in an attempt to get help only to be pushed away. I do often apologise in advance for my emotions.

I'll aim to at least make 2 phone calls tomorrow and see how i feel after that.

@MissGremlin it's challenging, especially when we have so many experiences of feeling dismissed or shut down. I'm proud of you for setting that goal of making two calls tomorrow! Hope they end up going in the way you need them to.

Fingers crossed, sending hopeful vibes into the universe for you! 💜