Battles

Ooh, what colour? And that's okay, focus will come. @MissGremlin 💕

I hope she follows up... If not, would you explore another worker?

I wonder where this sense of failure is coming from? Know that it's competely human to have moments where we go back to old coping strategies and patterns. You're not alone here. I wonder if we can look at this as insight into where you're at and that you may be needing more support? (And that it's okay.)

Hmm, I think it's absolutely valid to feel overwhelmed by this situation - we need our supports to feel consistent and reliable, so know that your reaction makes sense. 🫶

When moments like this happen, I really recommend calling ListenWell for peer support - please give them a go this week!

Not sleeping would feel really exhausting and exacerbate it all, I am sure.

It sounds like you're connecting to some things that feel safe and certain, which is so positive and a beautiful way to care for yourself. 😍

@AuntGlow it's a rainbow mix of colours again.

After talking to the other person I actually feel that maybe this worker isn't the right fit for me but I only have like 2 more months of the service so I'm not sure if they would allow the change.

Things have gone into a really dark place and I know I need more support, it's just that I'm unable to get it. The failure comes from my own judgement I think. The worry is slipping back into it and it becoming routine like it was before. I'm a little hopeful being that I didn't do anything today despite the urge of wanting to, so that's proving to myself that it was a lapse in the moment rather than a complete relapse.

It's really hard when I've been trying to not cancel even when I've wanted to cos my anxiety gets the better of me and yet twice when I've pushed through it, she's cancelled. I'm tired of not having consistency and reliability when i so desperately need it.

I'll try to but I struggle with phone calls. I'm finding that I get extremely emotional when I'm on calls and trying to talk about things which then leads to the panic becoming more intense. Casper picks up on it pretty quickly and does his job with the DPT but it's embarrassing to be that way with someone that I don't know.

I'm back to having hallucinations again which is scary and makes me question reality constantly (I'm safe).

I'm trying so hard to maintain things that feel safe and certain, I need constants in my life, things that just don't change.

I also had an incident yesterday when I got angry and frustrated with myself resulting in a badly bruised foot that I'm struggling to walk on. I will get it checked when I have my doctors appointment on Tuesday if it hasn't gotten better by then.

Hello @Nala2022 wanted to bring this over here as I try to keep the forums a positive space on other threads.

I said something this morning on another thread and I'm worried about it cos it came across the wrong way. I never meant to upset the person I was talking to and they are someone I care about on here alot.

Thank you being honest and bringing it up. Would you feel comfortable to email us the post link? I can have a look at it or do you just want to talk about it? I'm sure this person knows you dd not mean any harm by what you said @MissGremlin

@Nala2022 I'm not even sure how to email links. I can try to but if not I'll send screen shots instead.

I know they aren't usually on until later as they sleep after nightshift and then work again tonight. I just feel terrible that its left them feeling the way it has.

On a post, does it have 'post options' available to you? If it does click that and I think you then click 'get link' @MissGremlin

I'm sorry to hear that and I know it must feel unsettling. You know within yourself that you're a kind hearted and compassionate person, and I'm sure that person knows it too. I'm sure this is something that can be resolved

@Nala2022 i use a secure browser so often links don't work outside of it. I've sent screenshots through.

Thankyou for the kind words. It's that kind hearted part that worries so much about upsetting others even when it's never intentional. I'm hoping when they are on that it will be ok. My brain just loves to overthink things in the meantime.

you're a kind hearted and compassionate person, @MissGremlin and I'm sure that person knows it too. I'm sure this is something that can be resolved , i agree @Nala2022

it has happened to me and I have gone back and edited the post and have removed what i have said xxx

Thankyou beautiful @Shaz51 ❤️.

It defeats the purpose editing the post when it's been seen and replied to. I've replied though and tried my best to explain what I meant so I'm hoping it will be ok.

Thanks @MissGremlin, I've received them. I'll have a look

I know what you mean, you never want to intentionally upset anyone and, in this case, it wasn't intentional. I know it's easy said than done but try to rely on facts rather than assumptions. They may be completely okay. You care deeply, there's nothing wrong with that, but try not to beat yourself up