Battles

@Jynx she's actually still pretty active cos her enclosure is kept at 26⁰. She'd only go into hibernation if i turned the temperature down which isn't recommended. She still eats once a week too.

How are you going sweet?

Oh true @MissGremlin I forgot about the existence of heat lamps ahaha

I'm doing ok, tryna stay rugged up and get some sunshine here and there when I can.

Hope you're able to get some slumber tonight hun 💜

@Jynx trying to stay rugged up and getting the sun when you can sounds perfect. It was raining here most of the day but there was still a little bit of sunshine, though I hid inside away from the world as much as I could.

I'm not tired which worries me, I'm really struggling with being able to sleep again. The nightmares and panic attacks are hard to cope with then I get scared to fall asleep cos I know what's coming, it's a vicious cycle. I'm safe, still trying to do my diamond art and still waiting to see if I can connect to the crisis service. I feel so broken 😞.

@MissGremlin broken never means undeserving, never means unworthy, and never means that it's too late. I can imagine it's really scary but I know how strong you are and I have faith in your ability to move through this 💜

Thankyou @Jynx, I'm scared of letting people down so I'm trying hard to not fail (I'm safe for now).

Morning @MissGremlin checking in on you this morning! How are things over there?

Morning @NightFury my sweet, things are really tough at the moment.

How are things over there?

I'm just heading to get a coffee before I start work @MissGremlin I've only had a couple of hours of sleep, so today could be...interesting.

Hugs, my friend.

@NightFury hoping the day goes gently for you sweet. Always here for you ❤️. Sending lots of hugs your way ❤️.

Today I'm struggling to see a reason to keep fighting, I feel like all I am is a burden on everyone and that the world would be better off if I didn't exist in it. I have no strength in me, I feel completely empty and disconnected from everything. I reached out to a crisis service before, the person was caring but I felt like I was bothering then, like I wasn't deserving of their support. I just don't know what to do anymore, every part of me wants to give up, to be at peace and to no longer suffer. I never thought my life would turn out like this, I had dreams as a child, things I wanted to do and be and now it all means nothing and those things will never happen.

I'm safe for now, laying on my lounge with Casper. There's lots of tears today and dark and heavy thoughts/urges.