Things are feeling pretty heavy tonight, so here's my attempt of getting things out through writing a poem. I'm safe for now and laying in bed with Casper, just trying to take things second by second.
I’m tired in ways that sleep won’t fix,
like something in me is deeply sick.
And all that’s left inside my head,
are thoughts that fill me with dread.
My mind won’t stop, it just gets loud,
it drags me under, thick like cloud.
The thoughts are there all day and night,
I have no strength within left to fight.
The panic hits, I lose control,
my chest feels tight, it takes its toll.
I can’t think straight, i start to freeze,
it's all too much, now i can't breathe.
I overthink the things I say,
replaying them throughout the day.
I say too much or nothing at all,
and feel myself just slowly fall.
The room feels different when I’m there,
like I’m a burden, and they don't care.
Another problem, one more weight,
one more mistake they just tolerate.
I think about just slipping away,
no need for words I couldn’t say.
I know that I just don't belong,
life will move on when I am gone.
I don't remember what is peace,
and I long for the pain to cease.
Existing in this world is wrong,
I know I simply don't belong.
I’m tired of fighting with my head,
tired of wishing I was dead.
I'm tired of fearing every day,
tired of never feeling safe.
And maybe that’s the darkest part,
how normal this feels in my heart.
To wake each day and still pretend,
but somehow I have to make it end.
So tonight right here I make a choice,
no longer will you hear my voice.
No more pain, no more tests,
just a soul at peace, that finally rests.
