Battles

Oh yeah that’s smart I just am working by colour so it’s all spread out my work lol. @MissGremlin

The one I had on repeat for so long was his first remix this one- ☺️, but listening to it tomorrow sounds like a good idea ☺️

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wy7_PFy-ztQ

I understand why you might want to cancel, particularly if your anxiety is feeling very present at the moment. I can imagine your body could be needing familiarity and comfort right now too. So, I wonder, can we bring in some familiar, safe coping strategies (Casper, for example), and also create some space for a new experience? I know it may be a little uncomfortable at first, but I can hear how much you're needing support and this new support worker could potentially provide a really nurturing space for you. @MissGremlin

Let me know how you go. This is absolutely your decision, but I thought I would share some things for you to ponder upon too. 🥰

Letting yourself rest amongst some diamond art today sounds really lovely. 🫶

@AuntGlow the only thing this support worker thought she could help with was getting moved up to category 1 for housing. But now that's not going to happen after news that i got last week so honestly I'm not seeing what the point is. I hear of people that have support workers and all these amazing things they do with them, but I can't do those things. It's also only for 4 months, so I've got that fear of finding something that might help only to lose it again just after getting it.

Will see what happens tomorrow, I just don't know right now. For the moment I'm just focusing on getting through the night. I'm safe, I've packed up my diamond art and I'm trying to work on laying down to snuggle with Casper.

@Chasingsunsets can actually say that I get irritated by that song 😂.

Oh fair @MissGremlin 🙈🙊, I am always interested is it the lyrics or the beat I can never process lyrics so I like songs mostly due to there beat interestingly enough!

you might not like these remixes then 🤪

@Chasingsunsets some songs just shouldn't be remixed but others are ok. Its the same with movies, like the originals are better than some of the remakes. I definitely do like alot of remixes though. I find if a radio station overplays a song, like they're doing with that one at the moment then I'm less likely to want to listen to it.

Haha fair @MissGremlin, I don’t mind it though 🤣

Ill have to think of better remixes for you 🤣

Things are just not ok today. I've been on edge since I woke up. I have such strong urges to want to hurt myself, it builds up so fast and it's hard to see reason in the moment to not do anything though so far I've been able to avoid acting on things. I didn't sleep properly last night as I kept having short nightmares everytime I dozed off. Everything just feels like too much today and I can't even explain why, it's everything all compounded into one big thing.

I'm meant to have a support worker come today at 11.30 but I'm not sure if I want to deal with it. I don't know how I'm supposed to hold myself together cos I feel like I'm going to completely fall apart.

I'm so tired of feeling like this, I tried so hard the other day to start the day with a positive attitude in the hopes that maybe it would help. But it didn't, it just made the crash so much harder cos I felt like I had failed, like I can't do anything right.

I just needed to get this out. I feel so fragile, vulnerable, scared and alone, I'm trying to be gentle with myself but it's hard. I'm safe for the moment and I'm going to put a movie on, snuggle with Casper and do my diamond art.

How did things with your support worker go? @MissGremlin 💕

@AuntGlow i was a complete wreck when she came. We didn't do anything other than stand on my doorstep and talk about what has been going on since I first met her.