Battles

@Chasingsunsets it's actually getting tougher, just trying to keep busy.

I've got some of the kits from kmart but haven't made any of them yet. I just watch videos on YouTube and then make them.

Very clever @MissGremlin ☺️, you certainly have a good range of activities though my friend, a real credit to you 🫶

Thankyou @Chasingsunsets sweet ❤️.

Sorry I'm hopping off for a bit, my headspace really isn't good tonight. I'm safe for now and trying to keep myself busy by making things with crochet.

No need to be sorry @MissGremlin, look forward to updates on your crocheting as you post them. Thinking of you 🫶

Hi @MissGremlin,

How are you feeling tonight?

I am so sorry to read that things came crashing down after you were feeling so light.

It can be really confusing and overwhelming when we are flooded with feeling out of nowhere, and it's not uncommon for our body/subconscious mind to go back to what is familiar. Because feeling good can also feel really vulnerable!

I commend you for trying to explore your lightness again - that's a huge step towards self-regulating, even if it didn't feel that way at the time. You tried. And that's amazing. I encourage you to keep trying. 🫶

Something that can help with this is cultivating safety in the body when we first notice those big feelings come up. I know that this is much easier said than done and that you're still working out the best recipe for your self-soothing, but I wonder if you would be open to talking about this a bit more with your counsellor? She may be able to provide some more in-person guidance and insight as to what could help you?

PS: How is little Casper tonight? 🥰

Hello @AuntGlow, today and tonight have been really tough. I’ve been sitting with some really heavy thoughts and feelings aswell as lots of panic and meltdowns. I'm safe for now, trying to do diamond art but focusing is hard.

You're right that feeling good also feels very vulnerable, feeling happiness or joy or even just that lightness doesn't feel natural for me.

Thankyou. It was hard cos without knowing why I felt lighter I didn't know how to bring it back. Like there wasn't a specific thought or anything I did, it was just there.

I got lost in trying to understand that last part, I'm sorry. I've tried to read it over and over again but my brain just isn't processing it.

Casper is doing well, he's snoring away on my bed.

I can imagine this feels like a lot right now @MissGremlin 😞

I totally hear you. I can feel the same at times... and something that has helped is slowly allowing those feelings of joy to be there, knowing that I will oscillate between lightness and darkness often, and that's okay - both are allowed to exist, and both deserve the time, space, and compassion to be experienced. I think a key reminder is that you can and will feel light again. 🥰

It's okay! It's kind of hard to explain over message! haha Would you like me to find you a video or article that explains what I mean? I am happy to send one your way.

And with regards to those light feelings... if I can remember correctly, you were feeling lighter because you were feeling heard and supported by your health professionals that day. Does that sound right at all? 🫶

@AuntGlow it is alot right now, I'm so worn down from physical pain aswell as mental/emotional pain.

Thankyou for saying that, it feels validating and makes me feel less alone when things chop and change so fast. It's so hard that one minute I can be feeling lighter the next it's complete darkness. But not being able to recognise what made things shift is confusing and frustrating. Those lighter moments don't happen very often, sometimes it can be weeks or even months without feeling them whereas the darkness is there constantly, there's no in-between, no baseline.

Reading articles is too much and videos aren't something I can process. But thankyou. Maybe I'll try to reread it tomorrow.

Yes the lightness came after talking to my counsellor. She was proud of me for my efforts and even for my latest poem as it didn't end on a negative like that usually do.

I'm sorry, I'm exhausted and falling asleep. I'll catch up with you whenever you're on next. Night ❤️.

@Shaz51 sorry I didn't want to mark the Sunday chat with negativity.

My head is absolutely pounding and I've just burst into tears. Today really feels like too much. I'm safe, I'm laying in bed with Casper.

sitting with you and Casper @MissGremlin 😍

sending understanding hugs as my husband has gone back to bed for the afternoon

i tried laying down but have heartburn , so sitting up now