Battles

So I managed to fall asleep for a couple of hours but then woke up with a sharp pain through my ears and having a panic attack. I've been trying to get back to sleep but I can't cos things aren't settling. I thought I'd try to reach out to a crisis service given where thoughts and the panic are at but I'm unable to get through so I'm sitting alone with everything right now.

Last night I worked up the courage to ring the mental health team and while the guy i talked to was kind and understanding he said that my problems aren't solvable and that there's nothing the service can do for me other than just listen if I want to talk. I truly feel broken beyond repair, I know I'm complex with my issues, I know the things in my life are not just going to go away but I thought just maybe with support that it could be easier to manage.

Even when discussing the thoughts of suicide and if I have a plan/means, I was honest, they know i do and they just like my doctor and counsellor believe it's inevitable. But there's no support for me even when things are like this.

I'm scared, I'm alone, I'm broken in ways that can't me mended and that right there is enough to just want to give up cos what am I fighting for.

I'm safe and I'm laying in bed with Casper. But between the pain, panic and thoughts sleep just isn't happening.

Hey @MissGremlin,

Its sounding like you are doing all the right things to reach out for support in general and here with us, which takes a lot of courage as you said. We are here to support you. Sometimes we have to try a few different types of support to find the right one. I have reached out to you directly to check in

I'm here with you @MissGremlin 💚

Hello @heartathome sweet, thankyou ❤️.

How are you feeling sweetheart?

I'm sorry you had such an aweful night @MissGremlin I'm doing a bit better this morning. I'm with my son atm and his dog and cat. Being with the animals always helps my mood.

I've got a mental health forum meeting this morning and catching up with my five year old ex neighbour in the afternoon. I don't feel like doing either but I will because I said I would. My energy level is very low. I don't know how I'll get through it at this stage. One foot in front of the other I guess. I hope your day improves! Sending hugs and much love. 💚

@heartathome glad you are doing a bit better sweet. Being with animals is good to help lift our moods.

Hope the mental health meeting goes ok and also catching up with your 5 year old ex neighbour. Hearing you on the low energy sweet. Sometimes all we can do is take things one little step at a time. Keep going sweetheart, you've got this. Always here for you, lots of love and hugs to you too ❤️.

Hey @MissGremlin, I’m sorry you had a tough night, especially waking up with pain and panic and then feeling so alone in it all. That must feel incredibly overwhelming.

I’m also sorry that call left you feeling so dismissed. Being told your problems aren’t solvable is such a heavy thing to hear, especially when you were trying to get support, you deserve so much more care and understanding than that.

It makes sense you’d feel scared and exhausted with everything piling up like this. I’m really glad you’re safe and have Casper there with you. You’re not alone here 🌻

I don't know how you can be so supportive of everyone when you're feeling so low yourself @MissGremlin I appreciate your kindness and will take it into my day with me! 😊

@heartathome it's hard sometimes but I love being able to help others. I know what it's like to be alone and have no support and noone should have to go through things alone. Unfortunately I'm not able to be as supportive as I'd like to be and have had to step back at times but i still try to at least let people know that they're heard and not alone. When I can't help others i feel like i have no purpose in life which only makes me feel worse with my thoughts.

Hello @Nala2022, it's very overwhelming especially when it's a nightly occurrence and multiple times throughout the night.

Being told that my problems aren't solvable actually really hurt and it brings up previous trauma from when I was told by a psychologist that I was a lost cause and that I deserve everything I get (that was in relation to being in a dv situation). When I tell people what I'm going through they are often shocked with the amount of things going on but then being told that there's nothing anyone can do, it hurts so much.

Thankyou for the kind words, they are always so very appreciated. I've just made a cuppa and fed Casper now I'm going to sit back on my bed.