Battles

@Nala2022 slow and steady wins the race right? Well at least that's what they say 😂.

It really can get lonesome not having anyone around physically, but i have this space and I have a few people that I chat to online which I'm forever grateful for. This space is honestly everything to me in so many ways, it's not just an online forum, it's a community like an extended family.

I know the worst thing I can do today is shut-down no matter how much my brain is telling me to, I'm trying to fight it. Thankyou ❤️.

Oh definitely 🤣 @MissGremlin. I find doing things at a slower pace helps me stay more grounded, but that’s just me. I’m usually very all-or-nothing, so I’m trying to practise slowing things down a bit and just taking it one day at a time

I’m really glad you’ve got this space and a few people you can connect with online

It also sounds like you’ve got a lot of awareness about what helps you on harder days, even noticing that shutting down might not feel helpful and gently trying to keep yourself engaged, that’s not always easy when your mind is pulling you in another direction.

I hope you’re feeling even just a little bit better now 🤍

sitting with you @MissGremlin , @NightFury , @Nala2022 😍

@Nala2022 yes I'm good at just trying to do everything at once and then burning myself out. I do have things i need to do today but I'm going to go slowly. I pushed myself too hard yesterday and blacked out so I know i need to be careful. It's good that you are trying to practice slowing things down and taking it one day at a time ☺️.

I do have alot of awareness but it's only cos things have been hard for so long, it's become normal for me as much as I wish it wasn't. It's not easy trying to fight your own mind when it's so conflicting, but i do at least try to. I recognise that when i do shut-down things get bad very quickly so I'm trying to not let that happen.

I am feeling okayish at the moment, having chats with different people and snuggling with Casper.

It really sounds like you’re tuning into what your body and mind need today, especially after pushing yourself so hard yesterday. Blacking out must have been pretty scary, it makes a lot of sense that you’re wanting to take things more slowly today and be a bit gentler with yourself. Learning to recognise when we need to slow down can be really hard at times, but it’s such an important step. We’re only human and doing the best we can 😊

What you said about having that awareness because things have been hard for so long really comes through, and even though it’s come from a tough place, it’s still something that’s helping you look after yourself now. I can relate to that as well, I sometimes think self-awareness can feel like both a blessing and a curse. Trying to work with your mind when it’s pulling in different directions isn’t easy at all, but it sounds like you’re doing your best to stay on top of it.

I’m really glad to hear you’re feeling a little better at the moment, and that you’ve got some connection through chatting here and having Casper there with you. That sounds like a really nice place to be, even if it’s just for now @MissGremlin 🤗

@Nala2022 blacking out was scary and the nausea that followed was hard to sit with as i have emetophobia so my brain was thinking every worse case scenario possible. There was also alot of anger and frustration and guilt at myself for putting myself in the situation but hoping it doesn't happen again. It's hard to slow down, i just want to get everything done quickly but then I feel crap after for pushing myself too hard.

Yes it's very much a blessing and a curse. All i can do is my best and hope that it's good enough. Some moments get harder than others, sometimes I slip and let those thoughts win but I still somehow find a way to pick myself up and keep going even when it feels impossible and like it's not worth it. I don't know where that strength comes from, I wish I did so that I could tap into when it's needed before it gets bad but it only seems to come from the darkest moments (I'm safe). But i guess at least it's there even when I don't feel it.

I'm enjoying the moment for now, though there's that little feeling that things are crashing down. I'm trying to hold onto it for as long as I can.

Thankyou for chatting and for all that you do ❤️.

That sounds like a really overwhelming experience, especially with the nausea on top of everything and how that links in with your emetophobia. It makes sense your mind would go to worst-case scenarios in that moment.

I can also hear how hard you’re being on yourself about it, but it really sounds like you were pushed past your limits rather than doing anything “wrong”. That frustration and guilt can feel really loud, but you’re also recognising now that slowing down is important, which says a lot about how much you’re trying to look after yourself.

What you said about still finding a way to keep going, even in those really dark moments, really stands out. Even if you don’t know where that strength comes from, it is there, and like you said, it shows up when you need it, even if it doesn’t feel accessible beforehand.

Any time, and I’m glad you’re enjoying the moment for now @MissGremlin 🌟

@Nala2022 I'm not sure what's going on with my body, I don't usually struggle like this with doing things. I've had to stop and sit down as I was too close to blacking out again, now I'm sitting with that nausea yet again (I'm safe). I have a doctors appointment tomorrow so I'll be sure to mention this and hopefully get to the bottom of it.

I tend to punish myself for things even if it's not something I've done wrong as such. Trying to learn how to be gentle with myself but it's not an easy process.

Yes it's there at least most of the time it is.

I'm sorry, my words have run away now cos my head is feeling all fuzzy.

Hope you have a lovely day ❤️.

No need to apologise, you’re making sense, especially with how you’re feeling right now. Having small sips of water or a warm drink if you can, it might help a little.

That sounds really uncomfortable, especially having to keep stopping because you feel like you might black out again. It’s really good that you’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and can bring all of this up with them, I hope it goes well and you’re able to get some answers.

Thank you 😊. Try to be as gentle with yourself as you can today @MissGremlin 💮

@Nala2022 I'm glad I'm still making sense cos my brain feels everywhere at once at the moment. I just had a few sips of water.

It's hard to get anything done when you keep getting those feelings but at least I have been able to catch it and sit down rather than falling down. Really hoping my doctor takes it seriously rather than just trying to put everything down to stress and not sleeping well.

I'm doing my best to, little baby steps at a time.