Battles

@AuntGlow I'm really a mess right now. My doctors have messed up and cancelled an appointment that I desperately needed tomorrow. I rang them to change it to a telehealth one as I have to be in the city for a dentist appointment at almost the same time, but they've cancelled it cos i don't enter my card details online and they know that, my doctor is ok with it (i don't pay for me appointments either). I explained this on the phone and she said that was ok and that she'd put a note so that I didn't lose my appointment. But I've just got the message to say it's cancelled and the appointment is showing up as available online. I can't do anything now as they are closed.

I'm struggling to calm myself down and I'm feeling how I did yesterday when I snapped and took my anger out on myself (which is the reason i really needed the appointment). I have music playing but it's not helping and I'm trying to do my diamond art but the letters are all jumbling around so I can't focus. I'm safe for now but things feel like they are going to bubble over the top.

Oh this sounds very overwhelming @MissGremlin 😣 I am so sorry. Are you able to book the available spot online or does that require your card?

Also, did they perhaps 'cancel' the booking but not actually cancel it on their end? Sometimes this can happen because someone has pressed a button incorrectly or there has been a system error. I am assuming if you call first thing in the morning, they should be able to adhere to a telehealth appointment. Can you set an alarm so you can do this?

I know it's a lot and very distressing, but I can see you are doing all the right things here. 🫶

Playing music is a wonderful way to regulate. What are you listening to? Also, is there another way you could safely let out your anger and overwhelm tonight?

@AuntGlow it requires card details to book online.

If the appointment is booked overnight then they won't be able to fix it in the morning cos someone else will have taken the only time available. I'll be up at the time they are open anyway.

It's just gone from bad to worse with me getting in trouble with a service I connect with. It really feels like the world is against me and I can't do anything right (I'm safe)😞.

My play list has all different music on it, at the moment it's Pink playing. I don't want to feel angry, it's not me and it scares me. I want to sleep but I can't cos I'm too worked up. Trying to do my diamond art again.

Do they take the money automatically or is it a placeholder? If it's the latter, can you put it through and then call first thing so they don't take any money? @MissGremlin 🫶

This sounds so tough... you absolutely deserve to feel heard and supported. I know I am leaving soon, but I want to make sure you have a plan for your evening.

You mentioned finding it hard to wind down with all that you're feeling... diamond dot painting sounds very soothing and Pink is the best!! What's your favourite song of hers?

Have you watched any True Blood tonight? 💛

@AuntGlow it's the anxiety i have of money accidentally being taken out leaving me with nothing cos I barely have enough now to get through until I get paid almost 2 weeks away.

I don't have favourite songs or any favourite things. I've just put true blood on now so I'm hoping it helps to wind down.

I'm just sick of so many things going wrong and I don't get a chance to catch my breath in between, it's like I'm constantly waiting for what's next to happen. Will I ever actually experience happiness or joy again or am I just stuck like this? Will I ever be able to live without having a thoughts/plan to escape the world the second things get too much (I'm safe)?

Hey @MissGremlin,

Feeling like you cannot take a pause or have a break when there are so many things that do not go as planned is understandable overwhelming to cope with. Seem like this has also made you having some big questions in your mind tonight.

Is there something you would like the community to support you to challenge those heavy thoughts?

Hello @CalmOwl, it really has brought up alot of big and heavy questions.

At the moment it's just about having connection though I know it's late so there's not really anyone around.

@MissGremlin Thanks for sharing this with me. I'm so glad that you have reached out to the community tonight. Hearing the kind words and getting the support through connecting with community are great ways to acknowledge your needs and show yourself the support that you deserve.

Although the community may not be as active in this time of the day, I hope you can be gentle to yourself tonight and can take some time to look after your wellbeing.

Thankyou @CalmOwl, I was trying to go to sleep but my nose had other ideas and started to bl33d. It's almost stopped now and I'm snuggled up with Casper so hoping I can get some sleep soon.

I finished my diamond art that I was working on earlier too.

Hello @ENKELI sweetheart, i don't have time to reply to your post (bringing it over here though) right now as I have responsibilities to deal with first. But I'll hop on later tonight and reply to you then. Have missed you and been thinking about you, lots of love and hugs to you ❤️