Battles

I've just taken something for a ripper of a headache @MissGremlin maybe an emotional hang over from last night. I've felt pretty flat all day.

How are you doing?

@NightFury oh I feel you sweetheart, i took pain relief just before for a migraine. Hope you can get a good night's rest and feel better tomorrow ❤️.

I'm just really emotionally drained, i burst into tears when I was on the phone to the mental health team. Its hard to talk about what's going on cos it makes it feel so much realer.

Urgh @MissGremlin I seem to have lots of physical issues this week. I have a sore back, near my ribs still, I've sunburnt my scalp and it's sore, I have random sore muscles everywhere and this afternoon, I have a headache.

It sounds like a hard, emotional call. In spite of the big emotions did you find it helpful?

@NightFury oh sweetheart, I'm sorry you're feeling so much physically, it's horrible to be in pain from one thing let alone multiple things at once. Hugs to you beautiful ❤️.

I don't feel it was helpful, I mean she's coming out on Tuesday next week so I can fill out paperwork. But I'm not sure what support they can really offer me yet cos I haven't done the initial assessment. It's scary cos I know they are only short term support so if they can't link me in with longer term then when they close off I'll be left with no support again.

Maybe that's something that you can ask them on Tuesday @MissGremlin what do they have to offer that meets your needs?

I've found it hard to manage when short term supports end. But, I've also found them helpful in that they have bridged a gap when I needed it. It's better to have something, than to have nothing.

@MissGremlin I have one unit left and it will only take me 20 minutes to complete it so I'm going well with keeping up to date. I really need to set aside time each day so I don't get stuck with having to do a full day because I didn't do anything the day before.

I am listening to one of my favourite artists at the moment, TobyMac. He's a Christian artist and he lost his eldest son to a drug O/D a few years back. I can't imagine the kind of pain that must have caused him but his faith is so strong. I wish mine was that strong.

I am not surprised you burst in to tears when talking to the MH lady. You are going through so much. Did you get any help from the call, any resources or the like?
I must admit that the last time I had counselling the psychologist wasn't any help to me. I knew her as she was a member of my church and she was offering her services free. After I had taken a couple too many tablets I talked to her and she had a couple of good options but not enough for me to want to pay to see her. We ended up having a falling out, she spoke against me about my ex friend and I haven't sought help since. I have free counselling available through Open Arms but I am at the stage where I really can't see how seeing a psych would actually help me. Maybe I'm just stubborn.

I considered getting a Golden Retriever at one stage, I house sat for a friend who had one and she was just the best dog. She was about 13 when she went too. I mentioned it to my aunt she told me not to get one, they aren't that bright. I didn't take offence as we are a family who have always had working dogs, mum was the only one who had non-working dogs as an adult and that was because the 3 Silky Terriers she had were given to her. The first one my nana gave to her. "He seems to like the kids." Nana told my mum. "Yeah thanks mum." Was my mums' response! She grew to love him and when 2 other times she was offered Silkies she took them. The rest of the family have all had Border Collies, Kelpies or Blue Heelers.

I love Labradors, they are so clever and funny. And loyal!

What's on for you this evening sweet? Are you feeling any better or still have that elephant on your chest?
One thing a former psych told me to do when I had feelings of dread was to imagine a box with a lock on it, and imagine putting the thought that is causing dread into the box then locking it away. I know it won't help with your housing situation but if there are other less urgent thoughts (and I know there will be, your mind must be overwhelmed with all the thoughts you are having) it might be worth a try?
I take no offence if it's not something you want to do and if you prefer I don't offer suggestions too just let me know.
We are much alike in that we want to try and help others, in my case I often want to try and help "fix" the problem. I lost a friend partly because I kept doing that to her. (That wasn't the only reason we parted ways, her negativity dragged me so far down I was getting depressed every time I spoke to her)
I just wouldn't want to do that to you lovely.

Give Casper a hug for me, he's such a good boy.

I am reminded of this when I think of you, I "borrowed" it from Jacques I think. Or maybe it was you!
Either way I really love it -

I hope your evening is kinder to you than the day has been xoxo

@NightFury she has talked about a support worker package but her English isn't good so it's hard to understand her on the phone. Hoping that Tuesday she'll have more information about it.

The thing with this service is that they destroyed my life a few years ago. This is why my doctor was so hesitant to do another referral to them but every other service we had tried wouldn't help. So this really is a last resort and it brings up so much anxiety of history repeating itself. I can't say what happened but it was life changing, unnecessary and didn't just impact me.

@ENKELI

@ENKELI I've read your post but I'm just about to start my bedtime routine so I'll reply once I'm sitting in my bed ☺️.

@Shaz51 Hello lovely how are you? I do hope you’re well are safe from any cyclones.

I can understand why you would feel anxious and afraid of history repeating itself @MissGremlin I hear you. It would be hard to engage with them given the history, so giving it another go is super brave.

Hi @ENKELI