I'm so over not being able to sleep. I only managed an hour before waking up having a panic attack. I've been awake for 3 hours now and I can't manage to go back to sleep cos I'm still in a panicked state. I've done everything possible to try to calm myself down and reached out to a crisis service but nothing has helped.
I'm trying to focus on the fact that I have a doctors appointment either Monday or Tuesday but then there's that part of my brain that goes 'if I can make it until then' (I'm safe), then there's the other part that goes 'it's not like he can do anything to help anyway'. It's so disheartening, wanting help, needing help but knowing that it just won't happen. I'm stuck with feeling like I'm not worth helping, like i don't matter to any of the services that are meant to help, like I'm not meant to be here and that everyone would be happy if i wasn't.
It really hurts and it's so hard to sit with so many thoughts and feelings especially with barely any sleep. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm sore, I'm emotional, I'm worn down, I'm truly defeated.
I'm laying and snuggling with Casper, just hoping i can somehow fall asleep, though I don't like the thought of waking up again.
Again I'm safe for now.
