Battles

@NightFury oohh your dinner sounds yummy 😋. Hope the counselling session goes ok too. I'm not hungry at the moment, maybe I'll nibble on something later.

Glad the day was ok and better than yesterday. I did alot of things this morning, cleaned the stove, bathroom sink, took out the bins but then I crashed and couldn't do anymore. The rest of the day is just a blur.

Sounds like you did an awesome job tackling the house work this morning @MissGremlin well done! Go you.

Thankyou @NightFury my sweet. I just finished the last 2 jobs which were cleaning out the bird cage and picking up Caspers poop.

Sorry that you had such a rough one and so little sleep @MissGremlin. I hope you are able to gently remind yourself that lack of sleep makes everything harder - we're more sensitive, less resilient, and emotions can easily get out of whack. Not a personal failing to be riding the struggle bus when sleep is so elusive.

Really glad you were able to express some of your feelings in your poetry. It's a powerful piece, I think many can relate. The world needs honesty and raw emotion like this, really appreciate you sharing hun 💜

@Jynx the lack of sleep is having way too much of an impact. I'm hallucinating but things are feeling too real now to the point where I'm actually reacting to things that aren't there. So yes it's throwing emotions around but there's so many other things going on aswell. I didn't fall asleep until 3.52am this morning then had to be up at 6.40am but I woke up twice during that time so only just got 2 hours of sleep. This has now happened every night since Tuesday last week. I can't even nap during the day cos I no sooner doze off and then wake up having full on panic attacks. My entire body is sore from the constant tension. I needed my doctor to ring me back on Monday, I needed the mental health team to ring on Monday. The only person that's bothered to check in with me (other than people here) is my counsellor and she's incredibly concerned and wishes I could get the help I need from the mental health team. This has truly broken me and it's really scaring me now. I'm safe and in my bed with Casper, an audiobook and my diamond art.

Sleep delirium is a whole other beast hey @MissGremlin - I've had some bouts of insomnia which got very scary. Prolonged in the way you're experiencing it is even more intense. I'm sorry that your supports haven't been getting in touch, how incredibly frustrating. I'm glad that we can be a small pocket of safety for you, and try to hold you - at least a little bit - while you try to get on top of it all. And remember, any amount of rest is better than no rest, so even if all you can do is lie in a darkened room for a while, it can still help...

@Jynx it really is. I don't understand how I'm not actually tired though. I struggle to just lay and rest cos the panic takes over. It's a vicious cycle. I panic over the thought of going to sleep then if I do fall asleep i want up having a panic attack. My counsellor thinks I need to be in hospital cos of the severity of things but she also knows its not possible as much as I wish it was.

Just in case it needs to be said, I'm safe.

@MissGremlin sometimes when my insomnia hits I will have an oddly... productive day the next day. Or I won't feel like I'm that tired, and try to keep up with my usual daily activities - sometimes even forgetting that I'm running on no sleep... up until the fog gets in the way or I make some careless error. It's weird like that sometimes.

Also weird? Sometimes sleeping differently helps me! Like switching which end of the bed I am putting my pillow, or moving to the couch or something. I dunno why, but maybe something about the way our brains make associations. Like if the mind has started to associate 'bed' with 'panic' or 'insomnia' then it can be harder to nod off. Food for thought anyhow.

I hope you have some self-soothing tools that you can lean into when panic starts to set in. I know Casper is a good companion for you in moments like that. I'm sorry hospital isn't an option, but it's good to know your counsellor is taking your situation seriously.

Thanks for ensuring that we know you're safe hun. It really is helpful for us and for others to know that you are taking what steps you can to keep yourself afloat 💜

Hello @ENKELI sweetheart, how are you going? ❤️

@MissGremlin you have more than enough on your shoulders darling heart.

I am doing okay at the moment, you are still in my thoughts and prayers and I am still wishing for cooler weather.

I have usually been supported here in Sane land but there are some who are not kind.

I hope there has been some light in your week my sweet xo